Top 100 Facts About Z1pp0

1. Z1pp0 is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.
2. A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Z1pp0, 3. Cancer
3. Z1pp0 was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.
4. Z1pp0 was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
5. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Z1pp0 and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
6. Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Z1pp0"
7. A picture is worth a thousand words. A Z1pp0 is worth 1 billion words.
8. Along with his black belt, Z1pp0 often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.
9. Before sliced bread was invented, people used to say "Thats the greatest thing since Z1pp0".
10. Z1pp0's blood type is WD-40.
11. A man once claimed Z1pp0 kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.
12. Z1pp0 used to beat the crap out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
13. After taking a steroids test doctors informed Z1pp0 that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"
14. Z1pp0's dog is trained to pick up its own poop because Z1pp0 will not take crap from anyone.
15. Z1pp0 and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing their underwear on the outside of their pants.
16. Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Z1pp0 to go around.
17. For Z1pp0, every street is "one way". His way.
18. Z1pp0 always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.
19. As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Z1pp0."
20. Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Z1pp0 while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
21. Guns don't kill people. Z1pp0 kills People.
22. Z1pp0 can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.
23. If at first you don't succeed, you must not be Z1pp0.
24. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Z1pp0.
25. Google won't search for Z1pp0 because it knows you don't find Z1pp0, he finds you.
26. Everybody loves Raymond. Except Z1pp0.
27. He who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Z1pp0 … dies.
28. Z1pp0 can kill two stones with one bird.
29. If you ask Z1pp0 what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
30. If you spell Z1pp0 in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
31. Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Z1pp0's first visit to Tokyo.
32. Hellen Keller's favorite color is Z1pp0.
33. If Z1pp0 wants some shade, he stares the sun down until it eclipses.
34. Z1pp0 can predict the shuffle on his iPod.
35. In an emergency, Z1pp0 can be used as a floatation device.
36. In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Z1pp0 was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.
37. Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Z1pp0 is on.
38. Z1pp0 died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell .
39. Z1pp0 can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
40. Z1pp0 counted to infinity - twice.
41. Z1pp0 does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Z1pp0 goes killing.
42. In the Words of Julius Caesar, "Veni, Vidi, Vici, Z1pp0". Translation: I came, I saw, and I was roundhouse-kicked in the face by Z1pp0.
43. Z1pp0 became a vegetarian not because he loves animals, but because he hates plants.
44. In an act of great philanthropy, Z1pp0 made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research.
45. Z1pp0 can speak braille.
46. It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Z1pp0 a giant meteor.
47. Z1pp0 invented the hammer when he was tired of using his forehead to slam nails into wood.
48. Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Z1pp0 is looking for it.
49. Most people know that Descarte said, "I think, therefore I am." What most people don't know is that that quote continues, "...afraid of Z1pp0."
50. Z1pp0 has beat the crap out of so many people over his brilliant life that most medical journals now classify him as a laxative.
51. Z1pp0 does not believe that there are 50 states, only 2, because where ever he goes becomes a State of Emergency and whenever he leaves, he leaves a State of Destruction
52. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Z1pp0 can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants.
53. Not everyone that Z1pp0 is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.
54. Z1pp0 is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
55. Once a cobra bit Z1pp0's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
56. Z1pp0 doesn't have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.
57. Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Z1pp0.
58. Most people fear the Reaper. Z1pp0 considers him "a promising Rookie".
59. On a high school math test, Z1pp0 put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Z1pp0 solves all his problems with Violence.
60. Z1pp0 is the only one who can "try this at home."
61. Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Z1pp0 bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
62. People created the automobile to escape from Z1pp0...Not to be outdone, Z1pp0 created the automobile accident.
63. No matter what your mother always said, Z1pp0 can tune a fish.
64. On his birthday, Z1pp0 randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
65. Fifty years ago, Z1pp0 accidentally stubbed his toe. The USA still hasn't fully repaired all of the ensuing damage.
66. Z1pp0 is the only person in the world who can actually give 110%.
67. Santa Claus actually *did* exist until he accidentally skipped Z1pp0's house one Christmas.
68. Simply by pulling on both ends, Z1pp0 can stretch diamonds back into coal.
69. Z1pp0 can tie his shoes with his feet.
70. Z1pp0's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Z1pp0.
71. Z1pp0 is allergic to doorknobs. Thats why he can only kick through doors.
72. Z1pp0 was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
73. Circles exist because Z1pp0 beat the crap out of some squares.
74. Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Z1pp0 asks for a body bag.
75. Z1pp0 irons his clothes while he's wearing them.
76. Q: How many Z1pp0's does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, Z1pp0 prefers to kill in the dark.
77. Z1pp0 sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with his eyes open, and he looks pissed off.
78. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Z1pp0 pajamas.
79. For undercover police work, Z1pp0 pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.
80. The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Z1pp0 didn't kill you in your sleep.
81. The crossing lights in Z1pp0's home town say "Die slowly" and "die quickly". They each have a picture of Z1pp0 punching or kicking a pedestrian.
82. Every time someone uses the word "intense", Z1pp0 always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
83. Z1pp0's family wraps his holiday presents in lead, so he can't see what's in them.
84. Sweating bullets is literally what happens when Z1pp0 gets too hot.
85. The First rule of Z1pp0 is: you do not talk about Z1pp0.
86. If you Google search "Z1pp0 getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
87. The last man who made eye contact with Z1pp0 was Ray Charles.
88. Crop circles are Z1pp0's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the hell down.
89. The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Z1pp0.
90. The chief export of Z1pp0 is Pain.
91. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Z1pp0 has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
92. If you work in an office with Z1pp0, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.
93. The only time Z1pp0 was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
94. The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Z1pp0. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
95. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Z1pp0 punched himself in the face.
96. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Z1pp0 out. It failed miserably.
97. The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Z1pp0 3. Cancer.
98. If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Z1pp0 would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
99. The United States could save billions in defense funding if they trade the Military for Z1pp0
100. The US did not boycott the 1980 Summer Olympics in Moscow due to political reasons: Z1pp0 killed the entire US team with a single round-house kick during TaeKwonDo practice.

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Please Note: This page is intended purely as humor and plays off of quotes from many anonymous internet sources who originally stated the jokes in reference to celebrities such as Chuck Norris.