Top 100 Facts About Z1pp0

1. Z1pp0 is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.
2. A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Z1pp0, 3. Cancer
3. Z1pp0 was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
4. Z1pp0's blood type is WD-40.
5. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Z1pp0 and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
6. Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Z1pp0"
7. A picture is worth a thousand words. A picture of Z1pp0 is worth 1 billion words.
8. Along with his black belt, Z1pp0 often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.
9. Before sliced bread was invented, people used to say "Thats the greatest thing since Z1pp0".
10. Z1pp0's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Z1pp0.
11. A man once claimed Z1pp0 kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.
12. Z1pp0 used to beat the crap out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
13. After taking a steroids test doctors informed Z1pp0 that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"
14. Z1pp0's family wraps his holiday presents in lead, so he can't see what's in them.
15. Z1pp0 and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing their underwear on the outside of their pants.
16. Crop circles are Z1pp0's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
17. For undercover police work, Z1pp0 pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.
18. Z1pp0 always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.
19. As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Z1pp0."
20. Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Z1pp0 to go around.
21. He who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Z1pp0 … dies.
22. Z1pp0 can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.
23. If Z1pp0 wants some shade, he stares the sun down until it eclipses.
24. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Z1pp0.
25. Guns don't kill people. Z1pp0 kills people.
26. For Z1pp0, every street is "one way". His way.
27. Hellen Keller's favorite color is Z1pp0.
28. Z1pp0 can kill two stones with one bird.
29. If you Google search "Z1pp0 getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
30. If you work in an office with Z1pp0, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.
31. Google won't search for Z1pp0 because it knows you don't find Z1pp0, he finds you.
32. If at first you don't succeed, you must not be Z1pp0.
33. If Z1pp0 wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.
34. Z1pp0 can predict the shuffle on his iPod.
35. In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Z1pp0 turned that wine into beer.
36. In the Words of Julius Caesar, "Veni, Vidi, Vici, Z1pp0". Translation: I came, I saw, and I was roundhouse-kicked in the face by Z1pp0.
37. Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Z1pp0 is on.
38. Z1pp0 died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell .
39. Z1pp0 can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
40. Z1pp0 counted to infinity - twice.
41. Z1pp0 does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Z1pp0 goes killing.
42. Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Z1pp0 needs toothpicks.
43. Z1pp0 became a vegetarian not because he loves animals, but because he hates plants.
44. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Z1pp0 could use to kill you, including the room itself.
45. Z1pp0 can speak braille.
46. It takes 14 puppeteers to make Z1pp0 smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
47. Z1pp0 invented the hammer when he was tired of using his forehead to slam nails into wood.
48. Little known medical fact: Z1pp0 invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
49. Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Z1pp0 jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
50. Z1pp0 has beat the crap out of so many people over his brilliant life that most medical journals now classify him as a laxative.
51. Z1pp0 does not believe that there are 50 states, only 2, because where ever he goes becomes a State of Emergency and whenever he leaves, he leaves a State of Destruction
52. Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Z1pp0 is looking for it.
53. On a high school math test, Z1pp0 put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Z1pp0 solves all his problems with Violence.
54. Z1pp0 is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
55. Fifty years ago, Z1pp0 accidentally stubbed his toe. The USA still hasn't fully repaired all of the ensuing damage.
56. Z1pp0 doesn't have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.
57. Not everyone that Z1pp0 is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.
58. Most people know that Descarte said, "I think, therefore I am." What most people don't know is that that quote continues, "...afraid of Z1pp0."
59. On his birthday, Z1pp0 randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
60. Z1pp0 is the only one who can "try this at home."
61. Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Z1pp0 beats all 3 at the same time.
62. People have often asked the United States, What is your secret weapon against terrorists? We simply reply... Z1pp0
63. Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Z1pp0.
64. Once a cobra bit Z1pp0's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
65. Only Z1pp0 can prevent forest fires.
66. Z1pp0 is the only person in the world who can actually give 110%.
67. Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Z1pp0 with "obstruction of justice." This is because even Z1pp0 cannot be in two places at the same time.
68. Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Z1pp0 asks for a body bag.
69. Z1pp0 can tie his shoes with his feet.
70. Z1pp0's dog is trained to pick up its own poop because Z1pp0 will not take crap from anyone.
71. Z1pp0 is allergic to doorknobs. Thats why he can only kick through doors.
72. Z1pp0 was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
73. Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Z1pp0 while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
74. Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Z1pp0 likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
75. Z1pp0 irons his clothes while he's wearing them.
76. Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Z1pp0 fight.
77. Z1pp0 sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with his eyes open, and he looks pissed off.
78. Staring at Z1pp0 for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face.
79. Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Z1pp0 will beat his ass and take it.
80. The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Z1pp0 come off without a hitch.
81. The easiest way to determine Z1pp0's age is to cut him in half and count the rings. Unfortunately, nothing can cut through Z1pp0.
82. Everybody loves Raymond. Except Z1pp0.
83. Circles exist because Z1pp0 beat the crap out of some squares.
84. The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Z1pp0 didn't kill you in your sleep.
85. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Z1pp0 has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
86. If you spell Z1pp0 in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
87. The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Z1pp0 3. Cancer.
88. Every time someone uses the word "intense", Z1pp0 always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
89. The First rule of Z1pp0 is: you do not talk about Z1pp0.
90. The crossing lights in Z1pp0's home town say "Die slowly" and "die quickly". They each have a picture of Z1pp0 punching or kicking a pedestrian.
91. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Z1pp0 out. It failed miserably.
92. If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Z1pp0 would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
93. The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Z1pp0 played in second grade.
94. The pen is mighter than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Z1pp0.
95. The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Z1pp0.
96. The last man who made eye contact with Z1pp0 was Ray Charles.
97. The only sure things are Death and Taxes… and when Z1pp0 goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
98. In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Z1pp0.
99. The United States Federal Reserve Bank decided that Z1pp0's basement was a much safer place for their gold than Fort Knox.
100. The world's fastest car has 7 gears. 5, 6, and Z1pp0.

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Please Note: This page is intended purely as humor and plays off of quotes from many anonymous internet sources who originally stated the jokes in reference to celebrities such as Chuck Norris.