Top 100 Facts About Wendigo

  1. A picture is worth a thousand words. A picture of Wendigo is worth 1 billion words.
  2. Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Wendigo is on.
  3. Wendigo was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when she managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
  4. Wendigo is the only one who can "try this at home."
  5. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Wendigo and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
  6. As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Wendigo."
  7. Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Wendigo"
  8. Along with her black belt, Wendigo often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call her on it. Ever.
  9. A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Wendigo, 3. Cancer
  10. Wendigo's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Wendigo.
  11. Wendigo's family wraps her holiday presents in lead, so she can't see what's in them.
  12. Every time someone uses the word "intense", Wendigo always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
  13. Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Wendigo while she was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
  14. Wendigo always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.
  15. Wendigo's dog is trained to pick up its own poop because Wendigo will not take crap from anyone.
  16. A man once claimed Wendigo kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.
  17. For undercover police work, Wendigo pins her badge underneath her shirt, directly into her chest.
  18. Wendigo's blood type is WD-40.
  19. Wendigo became a vegetarian not because she loves animals, but because she hates plants.
  20. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Wendigo.
  21. Google won't search for Wendigo because it knows you don't find Wendigo, she finds you.
  22. After taking a steroids test doctors informed Wendigo that she had tested positive. She laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"
  23. Wendigo can kill two stones with one bird.
  24. Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Wendigo will beat his ass and take it.
  25. If at first you don't succeed, you must not be Wendigo.
  26. He who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Wendigo … dies.
  27. Guns don't kill people. Wendigo kills people.
  28. If you spell Wendigo in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
  29. Wendigo can speak braille.
  30. If you Google search "Wendigo getting her ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
  31. Before sliced bread was invented, people used to say "Thats the greatest thing since Wendigo".
  32. Wendigo can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
  33. Wendigo can predict the shuffle on her iPod.
  34. Wendigo died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell .
  35. In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Wendigo was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.
  36. If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Wendigo would ever fight herself, she'd win. Period.
  37. Wendigo and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing their underwear on the outside of their pants.
  38. Wendigo doesn't have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.
  39. Wendigo does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Wendigo goes killing.
  40. Wendigo does not believe that there are 50 states, only 2, because where ever she goes becomes a State of Emergency and whenever she leaves, she leaves a State of Destruction
  41. Wendigo can tie her shoes with her feet.
  42. Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Wendigo needs toothpicks.
  43. It takes 14 puppeteers to make Wendigo smile, but only 2 to make her destroy an orphanage.
  44. Love does hurt. But not as much as Wendigo.
  45. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Wendigo can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell she wants.
  46. Wendigo irons her clothes while she's wearing them.
  47. It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Wendigo a giant meteor.
  48. Wendigo can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.
  49. Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Wendigo jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
  50. In the Words of Julius Caesar, "Veni, Vidi, Vici, Wendigo". Translation: I came, I saw, and I was roundhouse-kicked in the face by Wendigo.
  51. Wendigo is allergic to doorknobs. Thats why she can only kick through doors.
  52. Wendigo invented the hammer when she was tired of using her forehead to slam nails into wood.
  53. Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Wendigo.
  54. Wendigo counted to infinity - twice.
  55. Wendigo sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with her eyes open, and she looks pissed off.
  56. Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Wendigo roundhouse kick.
  57. Once a cobra bit Wendigo's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
  58. On a high school math test, Wendigo put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. She got an A+ on the test because Wendigo solves all her problems with Violence.
  59. Not everyone that Wendigo is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.
  60. People created the automobile to escape from Wendigo...Not to be outdone, Wendigo created the automobile accident.
  61. Wendigo was born with the right to party. Unlike the rest of us, who have to fight for it.
  62. Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Wendigo beats all 3 at the same time.
  63. Wendigo has beat the crap out of so many people over her brilliant life that most medical journals now classify her as a laxative.
  64. Wendigo is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for her left and right legs.
  65. Wendigo used to beat the crap out of her shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
  66. Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Wendigo to go around.
  67. Simply by pulling on both ends, Wendigo can stretch diamonds back into coal.
  68. Police label anyone attacking Wendigo as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
  69. Wendigo is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.
  70. For Wendigo, every street is "one way". Her way.
  71. Everybody loves Raymond. Except Wendigo.
  72. Crop circles are Wendigo's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
  73. Wendigo was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
  74. Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Wendigo likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
  75. Staring at Wendigo for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face.
  76. The Bible was originally titled "Wendigo and Friends"
  77. Sweating bullets is literally what happens when Wendigo gets too hot.
  78. If Wendigo wants some shade, she stares the sun down until it eclipses.
  79. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Wendigo pajamas.
  80. Wendigo is the only person in the world who can actually give 110%.
  81. The easiest way to determine Wendigo's age is to cut her in half and count the rings. Unfortunately, nothing can cut through Wendigo.
  82. Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Wendigo asks for a body bag.
  83. If you ask Wendigo what time it is, she always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" she roundhouse kicks you in the face.
  84. Hellen Keller's favorite color is Wendigo.
  85. The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Wendigo.
  86. Circles exist because Wendigo beat the crap out of some squares.
  87. In an act of great philanthropy, Wendigo made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. She donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research.
  88. The end result of the game "Clue" is always the same: Wendigo was the murderer, it was in the orphanage, and the weapon was a hamster.
  89. The last man who made eye contact with Wendigo was Ray Charles.
  90. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Wendigo has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
  91. The First rule of Wendigo is: you do not talk about Wendigo.
  92. The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Wendigo. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
  93. In an emergency, Wendigo can be used as a floatation device.
  94. The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Wendigo played in second grade.
  95. Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Wendigo's first visit to Tokyo.
  96. If you work in an office with Wendigo, don't ask her for her three-hole-punch.
  97. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Wendigo could use to kill you, including the room itself.
  98. Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Wendigo is looking for it.
  99. The US did not boycott the 1980 Summer Olympics in Moscow due to political reasons: Wendigo killed the entire US team with a single round-house kick during TaeKwonDo practice.
  100. The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Wendigo in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.

This article was brought to you by and Tom Chapin.
Please Note: This page is intended purely as humor and plays off of quotes from many anonymous internet sources who originally stated the jokes in reference to celebrities such as Chuck Norris.