Top 100 Facts About Vin Diesel

  1. Vin Diesel was born with the right to party. Unlike the rest of us, who have to fight for it.
  2. Vin Diesel sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with his eyes open, and he looks pissed off.
  3. Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Vin Diesel is on.
  4. Along with his black belt, Vin Diesel often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.
  5. A man once claimed Vin Diesel kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.
  6. As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Vin Diesel."
  7. Vin Diesel's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Vin Diesel.
  8. After taking a steroids test doctors informed Vin Diesel that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"
  9. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Vin Diesel.
  10. Vin Diesel was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
  11. Vin Diesel's blood type is WD-40.
  12. A picture is worth a thousand words. A Vin Diesel is worth 1 billion words.
  13. Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Vin Diesel while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
  14. A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Vin Diesel, 3. Cancer
  15. Every time someone uses the word "intense", Vin Diesel always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
  16. For undercover police work, Vin Diesel pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.
  17. Vin Diesel was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.
  18. Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Vin Diesel to go around.
  19. Vin Diesel's dog is trained to pick up its own poop because Vin Diesel will not take crap from anyone.
  20. Circles exist because Vin Diesel beat the crap out of some squares.
  21. Google won't search for Vin Diesel because it knows you don't find Vin Diesel, he finds you.
  22. Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Vin Diesel's first visit to Tokyo.
  23. Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Vin Diesel will beat his ass and take it.
  24. Guns don't kill people. Vin Diesel kills People.
  25. Hellen Keller's favorite color is Vin Diesel.
  26. Vin Diesel always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.
  27. Vin Diesel's family wraps his holiday presents in lead, so he can't see what's in them.
  28. Crop circles are Vin Diesel's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the hell down.
  29. Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Vin Diesel"
  30. If you Google search "Vin Diesel getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
  31. If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Vin Diesel would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
  32. If at first you don't succeed, you must not be Vin Diesel.
  33. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself.
  34. In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Vin Diesel.
  35. Vin Diesel can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.
  36. Vin Diesel can kill two stones with one bird.
  37. Before sliced bread was invented, people used to say "Thats the greatest thing since Vin Diesel".
  38. Vin Diesel can speak braille.
  39. Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Vin Diesel needs toothpicks.
  40. Vin Diesel can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
  41. Vin Diesel counted to infinity - twice.
  42. In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Vin Diesel was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.
  43. In the Words of Julius Caesar, "Veni, Vidi, Vici, Vin Diesel". Translation: I came, I saw, and I was roundhouse-kicked in the face by Vin Diesel.
  44. Vin Diesel and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing their underwear on the outside of their pants.
  45. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Vin Diesel can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants.
  46. Vin Diesel became a vegetarian not because he loves animals, but because he hates plants.
  47. Love does hurts. But not as much as Vin Diesel.
  48. Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Vin Diesel jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
  49. In an emergency, Vin Diesel can be used as a floatation device.
  50. Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Vin Diesel is looking for it.
  51. It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Vin Diesel a giant meteor.
  52. James Cameron wanted Vin Diesel to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
  53. Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Vin Diesel.
  54. No matter what your mother always said, Vin Diesel can tune a fish.
  55. Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Vin Diesel roundhouse kick.
  56. Not everyone that Vin Diesel is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.
  57. On his birthday, Vin Diesel randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
  58. Vin Diesel died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell .
  59. It takes 14 puppeteers to make Vin Diesel smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
  60. Little known medical fact: Vin Diesel invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
  61. Vin Diesel can predict the shuffle on his iPod.
  62. Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Vin Diesel beats all 3 at the same time.
  63. Police label anyone attacking Vin Diesel as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
  64. Once a cobra bit Vin Diesel's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
  65. Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Vin Diesel fight.
  66. President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Vin Diesel *carried* his the same distance, but in half the time.
  67. Vin Diesel has beat the crap out of so many people over his brilliant life that most medical journals now classify him as a laxative.
  68. Vin Diesel invented the hammer when he was tired of using his forehead to slam nails into wood.
  69. Vin Diesel can tie his shoes with his feet.
  70. Vin Diesel is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.
  71. Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Vin Diesel likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
  72. Vin Diesel doesn't have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.
  73. Vin Diesel is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
  74. Simply by pulling on both ends, Vin Diesel can stretch diamonds back into coal.
  75. Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Vin Diesel asks for a body bag.
  76. Vin Diesel does not believe that there are 50 states, only 2, because where ever he goes becomes a State of Emergency and whenever he leaves, he leaves a State of Destruction
  77. Sweating bullets is literally what happens when Vin Diesel gets too hot.
  78. Vin Diesel does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Vin Diesel goes killing.
  79. The Bible was originally titled "Vin Diesel and Friends"
  80. The easiest way to determine Vin Diesel's age is to cut him in half and count the rings. Unfortunately, nothing can cut through Vin Diesel.
  81. Santa Claus actually *did* exist until he accidentally skipped Vin Diesel's house one Christmas.
  82. The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Vin Diesel didn't kill you in your sleep.
  83. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Vin Diesel pajamas.
  84. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Vin Diesel glare will liquefy your kidneys.
  85. The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Vin Diesel.
  86. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Vin Diesel punched himself in the face.
  87. The end result of the game "Clue" is always the same: Vin Diesel was the murderer, it was in the orphanage, and the weapon was a hamster.
  88. The First rule of Vin Diesel is: you do not talk about Vin Diesel.
  89. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Vin Diesel out. It failed miserably.
  90. Vin Diesel is the only one who can "try this at home."
  91. Staring at Vin Diesel for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face.
  92. The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Vin Diesel come off without a hitch.
  93. Vin Diesel irons his clothes while he's wearing them.
  94. The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Vin Diesel played in second grade.
  95. The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Vin Diesel in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
  96. The last man who made eye contact with Vin Diesel was Ray Charles.
  97. The square root of Vin Diesel is pain. Do not try to square Vin Diesel, the result is death.
  98. The quickest way to a man's heart is with Vin Diesel's fist.
  99. Everybody loves Raymond. Except Vin Diesel.
  100. For Vin Diesel, every street is "one way". His way.

This article was brought to you by 100factsabout.com and LoopyTube.com.
Please Note: This page is intended purely as humor and plays off of quotes from many anonymous internet sources who originally stated the jokes in reference to celebrities such as Chuck Norris.