Top 100 Facts About Tudor Barbu

  1. Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Tudor Barbu is on.
  2. Tudor Barbu is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.
  3. Along with his black belt, Tudor Barbu often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.
  4. Tudor Barbu is the only person in the world who can actually give 110%.
  5. Tudor Barbu used to beat the crap out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
  6. Tudor Barbu was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
  7. A man once claimed Tudor Barbu kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.
  8. Tudor Barbu was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
  9. A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Tudor Barbu, 3. Cancer
  10. Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Tudor Barbu"
  11. Tudor Barbu sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with his eyes open, and he looks pissed off.
  12. Crop circles are Tudor Barbu's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the hell down.
  13. Before sliced bread was invented, people used to say "Thats the greatest thing since Tudor Barbu".
  14. Everybody loves Raymond. Except Tudor Barbu.
  15. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Tudor Barbu.
  16. After taking a steroids test doctors informed Tudor Barbu that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"
  17. For Tudor Barbu, every street is "one way". His way.
  18. Circles exist because Tudor Barbu beat the crap out of some squares.
  19. Tudor Barbu and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing their underwear on the outside of their pants.
  20. Tudor Barbu became a vegetarian not because he loves animals, but because he hates plants.
  21. Tudor Barbu's family wraps his holiday presents in lead, so he can't see what's in them.
  22. For undercover police work, Tudor Barbu pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.
  23. Tudor Barbu can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
  24. Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Tudor Barbu to go around.
  25. He who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Tudor Barbu … dies.
  26. Tudor Barbu always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.
  27. A picture is worth a thousand words. A Tudor Barbu is worth 1 billion words.
  28. If Tudor Barbu wants some shade, he stares the sun down until it eclipses.
  29. Google won't search for Tudor Barbu because it knows you don't find Tudor Barbu, he finds you.
  30. If you spell Tudor Barbu in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
  31. As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Tudor Barbu."
  32. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Tudor Barbu and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
  33. Tudor Barbu counted to infinity - twice.
  34. If Tudor Barbu wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.
  35. Tudor Barbu died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell .
  36. If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Tudor Barbu would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
  37. In an act of great philanthropy, Tudor Barbu made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research.
  38. In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Tudor Barbu was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.
  39. Tudor Barbu can kill two stones with one bird.
  40. In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Tudor Barbu turned that wine into beer.
  41. Tudor Barbu can speak braille.
  42. Tudor Barbu does not believe that there are 50 states, only 2, because where ever he goes becomes a State of Emergency and whenever he leaves, he leaves a State of Destruction
  43. In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Tudor Barbu.
  44. Little known medical fact: Tudor Barbu invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
  45. Tudor Barbu doesn't have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.
  46. Most people fear the Reaper. Tudor Barbu considers him "a promising Rookie".
  47. Tudor Barbu has beat the crap out of so many people over his brilliant life that most medical journals now classify him as a laxative.
  48. Tudor Barbu can tie his shoes with his feet.
  49. Most people know that Descarte said, "I think, therefore I am." What most people don't know is that that quote continues, "...afraid of Tudor Barbu."
  50. James Cameron wanted Tudor Barbu to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
  51. Tudor Barbu irons his clothes while he's wearing them.
  52. Tudor Barbu is allergic to doorknobs. Thats why he can only kick through doors.
  53. It takes 14 puppeteers to make Tudor Barbu smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
  54. Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Tudor Barbu jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
  55. Tudor Barbu is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
  56. Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Tudor Barbu is looking for it.
  57. On a high school math test, Tudor Barbu put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Tudor Barbu solves all his problems with Violence.
  58. Tudor Barbu invented the hammer when he was tired of using his forehead to slam nails into wood.
  59. Tudor Barbu can predict the shuffle on his iPod.
  60. Fifty years ago, Tudor Barbu accidentally stubbed his toe. The USA still hasn't fully repaired all of the ensuing damage.
  61. Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Tudor Barbu.
  62. People created the automobile to escape from Tudor Barbu...Not to be outdone, Tudor Barbu created the automobile accident.
  63. Tudor Barbu does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Tudor Barbu goes killing.
  64. Tudor Barbu can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.
  65. Tudor Barbu's dog is trained to pick up its own poop because Tudor Barbu will not take crap from anyone.
  66. Only Tudor Barbu can prevent forest fires.
  67. Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Tudor Barbu while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
  68. Police label anyone attacking Tudor Barbu as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
  69. Q: How many Tudor Barbu's does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, Tudor Barbu prefers to kill in the dark.
  70. Simply by pulling on both ends, Tudor Barbu can stretch diamonds back into coal.
  71. Tudor Barbu was born with the right to party. Unlike the rest of us, who have to fight for it.
  72. Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Tudor Barbu with "obstruction of justice." This is because even Tudor Barbu cannot be in two places at the same time.
  73. Tudor Barbu's blood type is WD-40.
  74. Every time someone uses the word "intense", Tudor Barbu always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
  75. President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Tudor Barbu *carried* his the same distance, but in half the time.
  76. The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Tudor Barbu come off without a hitch.
  77. Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Tudor Barbu's first visit to Tokyo.
  78. The chief export of Tudor Barbu is Pain.
  79. Guns don't kill people. Tudor Barbu kills People.
  80. Tudor Barbu's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Tudor Barbu.
  81. The crossing lights in Tudor Barbu's home town say "Die slowly" and "die quickly". They each have a picture of Tudor Barbu punching or kicking a pedestrian.
  82. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Tudor Barbu glare will liquefy your kidneys.
  83. If at first you don't succeed, you must not be Tudor Barbu.
  84. If you ask Tudor Barbu what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
  85. Staring at Tudor Barbu for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face.
  86. The easiest way to determine Tudor Barbu's age is to cut him in half and count the rings. Unfortunately, nothing can cut through Tudor Barbu.
  87. If you Google search "Tudor Barbu getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
  88. The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Tudor Barbu didn't kill you in your sleep.
  89. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Tudor Barbu has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
  90. Hellen Keller's favorite color is Tudor Barbu.
  91. Tudor Barbu was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.
  92. The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Tudor Barbu 3. Cancer.
  93. The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Tudor Barbu.
  94. The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Tudor Barbu. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
  95. Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Tudor Barbu will beat his ass and take it.
  96. Tudor Barbu is the only one who can "try this at home."
  97. It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Tudor Barbu a giant meteor.
  98. The only sure things are Death and Taxes… and when Tudor Barbu goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
  99. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Tudor Barbu can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants.
  100. The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Tudor Barbu in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.

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Please Note: This page is intended purely as humor and plays off of quotes from many anonymous internet sources who originally stated the jokes in reference to celebrities such as Chuck Norris.