Top 100 Facts About Melissa Gray

  1. A man once claimed Melissa Gray kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.
  2. Melissa Gray was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
  3. Melissa Gray is the only person in the world who can actually give 110%.
  4. Melissa Gray used to beat the crap out of her shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
  5. Along with her black belt, Melissa Gray often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call her on it. Ever.
  6. A picture is worth a thousand words. A picture of Melissa Gray is worth 1 billion words.
  7. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Melissa Gray and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
  8. Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Melissa Gray"
  9. Melissa Gray was born with the right to party. Unlike the rest of us, who have to fight for it.
  10. Melissa Gray's dog is trained to pick up its own poop because Melissa Gray will not take crap from anyone.
  11. Melissa Gray's blood type is WD-40.
  12. Melissa Gray is the only one who can "try this at home."
  13. A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Melissa Gray, 3. Cancer
  14. Everybody loves Raymond. Except Melissa Gray.
  15. For undercover police work, Melissa Gray pins her badge underneath her shirt, directly into her chest.
  16. Before sliced bread was invented, people used to say "Thats the greatest thing since Melissa Gray".
  17. Melissa Gray and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing their underwear on the outside of their pants.
  18. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Melissa Gray.
  19. For Melissa Gray, every street is "one way". Her way.
  20. He who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Melissa Gray … dies.
  21. Circles exist because Melissa Gray beat the crap out of some squares.
  22. Melissa Gray always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.
  23. Hellen Keller's favorite color is Melissa Gray.
  24. Crop circles are Melissa Gray's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
  25. Guns don't kill people. Melissa Gray kills people.
  26. Google won't search for Melissa Gray because it knows you don't find Melissa Gray, she finds you.
  27. If at first you don't succeed, you must not be Melissa Gray.
  28. If Melissa Gray wants your opinion, she'll beat it into you.
  29. If you ask Melissa Gray what time it is, she always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" she roundhouse kicks you in the face.
  30. Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Melissa Gray is on.
  31. Melissa Gray became a vegetarian not because she loves animals, but because she hates plants.
  32. As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Melissa Gray."
  33. Melissa Gray can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
  34. In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Melissa Gray turned that wine into beer.
  35. In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Melissa Gray.
  36. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Melissa Gray could use to kill you, including the room itself.
  37. Melissa Gray can tie her shoes with her feet.
  38. Melissa Gray can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.
  39. After taking a steroids test doctors informed Melissa Gray that she had tested positive. She laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"
  40. Melissa Gray counted to infinity - twice.
  41. In an emergency, Melissa Gray can be used as a floatation device.
  42. It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Melissa Gray a giant meteor.
  43. In the Words of Julius Caesar, "Veni, Vidi, Vici, Melissa Gray". Translation: I came, I saw, and I was roundhouse-kicked in the face by Melissa Gray.
  44. If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Melissa Gray would ever fight herself, she'd win. Period.
  45. Melissa Gray can kill two stones with one bird.
  46. Most people fear the Reaper. Melissa Gray considers him "a promising Rookie".
  47. Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Melissa Gray jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
  48. Melissa Gray does not believe that there are 50 states, only 2, because where ever she goes becomes a State of Emergency and whenever she leaves, she leaves a State of Destruction
  49. Melissa Gray has beat the crap out of so many people over her brilliant life that most medical journals now classify her as a laxative.
  50. Melissa Gray does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Melissa Gray goes killing.
  51. Most people know that Descarte said, "I think, therefore I am." What most people don't know is that that quote continues, "...afraid of Melissa Gray."
  52. On a high school math test, Melissa Gray put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. She got an A+ on the test because Melissa Gray solves all her problems with Violence.
  53. James Cameron wanted Melissa Gray to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
  54. Melissa Gray doesn't have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.
  55. On her birthday, Melissa Gray randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
  56. Little known medical fact: Melissa Gray invented the Caesarean section when she roundhouse-kicked her way out of her monther's womb.
  57. Not everyone that Melissa Gray is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.
  58. Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Melissa Gray.
  59. Once a cobra bit Melissa Gray's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
  60. Only Melissa Gray can prevent forest fires.
  61. Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Melissa Gray bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
  62. Melissa Gray can speak braille.
  63. Melissa Gray invented the hammer when she was tired of using her forehead to slam nails into wood.
  64. Melissa Gray died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell .
  65. Melissa Gray irons her clothes while she's wearing them.
  66. Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Melissa Gray with "obstruction of justice." This is because even Melissa Gray cannot be in two places at the same time.
  67. President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Melissa Gray *carried* her the same distance, but in half the time.
  68. Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Melissa Gray fight.
  69. Melissa Gray was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when she managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
  70. Melissa Gray is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.
  71. Melissa Gray can predict the shuffle on her iPod.
  72. Melissa Gray's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Melissa Gray.
  73. Santa Claus actually *did* exist until he accidentally skipped Melissa Gray's house one Christmas.
  74. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Melissa Gray pajamas.
  75. Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Melissa Gray asks for a body bag.
  76. Police label anyone attacking Melissa Gray as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
  77. Melissa Gray is allergic to doorknobs. Thats why she can only kick through doors.
  78. The chief export of Melissa Gray is Pain.
  79. The easiest way to determine Melissa Gray's age is to cut her in half and count the rings. Unfortunately, nothing can cut through Melissa Gray.
  80. Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Melissa Gray while she was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
  81. Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Melissa Gray will beat his ass and take it.
  82. Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Melissa Gray to go around.
  83. The crossing lights in Melissa Gray's home town say "Die slowly" and "die quickly". They each have a picture of Melissa Gray punching or kicking a pedestrian.
  84. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Melissa Gray has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
  85. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Melissa Gray glare will liquefy your kidneys.
  86. Every time someone uses the word "intense", Melissa Gray always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
  87. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Melissa Gray out. It failed miserably.
  88. The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Melissa Gray come off without a hitch.
  89. The First rule of Melissa Gray is: you do not talk about Melissa Gray.
  90. The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Melissa Gray.
  91. The last man who made eye contact with Melissa Gray was Ray Charles.
  92. The only sure things are Death and Taxes… and when Melissa Gray goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
  93. The only time Melissa Gray was wrong was when she thought she had made a mistake.
  94. Melissa Gray sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with her eyes open, and she looks pissed off.
  95. Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Melissa Gray's first visit to Tokyo.
  96. Melissa Gray's family wraps her holiday presents in lead, so she can't see what's in them.
  97. If Melissa Gray wants some shade, she stares the sun down until it eclipses.
  98. The United States Federal Reserve Bank decided that Melissa Gray's basement was a much safer place for their gold than Fort Knox.
  99. The quickest way to a man's heart is with Melissa Gray's fist.
  100. The square root of Melissa Gray is pain. Do not try to square Melissa Gray, the result is death.

This article was brought to you by 100factsabout.com and LoopyTube.com.
Please Note: This page is intended purely as humor and plays off of quotes from many anonymous internet sources who originally stated the jokes in reference to celebrities such as Chuck Norris.