Top 100 Facts About Melissa Gray

  1. A man once claimed Melissa Gray kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.
  2. Melissa Gray was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.
  3. Melissa Gray is the only person in the world who can actually give 110%.
  4. Melissa Gray used to beat the crap out of her shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind her.
  5. Along with her black belt, Melissa Gray often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call her on it. Ever.
  6. A picture is worth a thousand words. A Melissa Gray is worth 1 billion words.
  7. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Melissa Gray and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
  8. Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Melissa Gray"
  9. Melissa Gray was born with the right to party. Unlike the rest of us, who have to fight for it.
  10. Melissa Gray's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Melissa Gray.
  11. Melissa Gray was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when she managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
  12. Melissa Gray is the only one who can "try this at home."
  13. A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Melissa Gray, 3. Cancer
  14. Every time someone uses the word "intense", Melissa Gray always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
  15. For Melissa Gray, every street is "one way". Her way.
  16. Before sliced bread was invented, people used to say "Thats the greatest thing since Melissa Gray".
  17. Melissa Gray and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing their underwear on the outside of their pants.
  18. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Melissa Gray.
  19. Everybody loves Raymond. Except Melissa Gray.
  20. Guns don't kill people. Melissa Gray kills People.
  21. Melissa Gray's family wraps her holiday presents in lead, so she can't see what's in them.
  22. Melissa Gray always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.
  23. He who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Melissa Gray … dies.
  24. Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Melissa Gray to go around.
  25. Google won't search for Melissa Gray because it knows you don't find Melissa Gray, she finds you.
  26. Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Melissa Gray's first visit to Tokyo.
  27. Hellen Keller's favorite color is Melissa Gray.
  28. If Melissa Gray wants some shade, she stares the sun down until it eclipses.
  29. If Melissa Gray wants your opinion, she'll beat it into you.
  30. Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Melissa Gray is on.
  31. Melissa Gray became a vegetarian not because she loves animals, but because she hates plants.
  32. As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Melissa Gray."
  33. Melissa Gray can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
  34. In an emergency, Melissa Gray can be used as a floatation device.
  35. If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Melissa Gray would ever fight herself, she'd win. Period.
  36. In an act of great philanthropy, Melissa Gray made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. She donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research.
  37. Melissa Gray can tie her shoes with her feet.
  38. Melissa Gray can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.
  39. After taking a steroids test doctors informed Melissa Gray that she had tested positive. She laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"
  40. Melissa Gray counted to infinity - twice.
  41. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Melissa Gray could use to kill you, including the room itself.
  42. Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Melissa Gray needs toothpicks.
  43. In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Melissa Gray was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.
  44. If you work in an office with Melissa Gray, don't ask her for her three-hole-punch.
  45. Melissa Gray can kill two stones with one bird.
  46. Love does hurts. But not as much as Melissa Gray.
  47. Most people know that Descarte said, "I think, therefore I am." What most people don't know is that that quote continues, "...afraid of Melissa Gray."
  48. Melissa Gray does not believe that there are 50 states, only 2, because where ever she goes becomes a State of Emergency and whenever she leaves, she leaves a State of Destruction
  49. Melissa Gray has beat the crap out of so many people over her brilliant life that most medical journals now classify her as a laxative.
  50. Melissa Gray does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Melissa Gray goes killing.
  51. Most people fear the Reaper. Melissa Gray considers him "a promising Rookie".
  52. Not everyone that Melissa Gray is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.
  53. It takes 14 puppeteers to make Melissa Gray smile, but only 2 to make her destroy an orphanage.
  54. Melissa Gray doesn't have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.
  55. On a high school math test, Melissa Gray put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. She got an A+ on the test because Melissa Gray solves all her problems with Violence.
  56. Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Melissa Gray is looking for it.
  57. Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Melissa Gray.
  58. No matter what your mother always said, Melissa Gray can tune a fish.
  59. On her birthday, Melissa Gray randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
  60. Fifty years ago, Melissa Gray accidentally stubbed her toe. The USA still hasn't fully repaired all of the ensuing damage.
  61. Only Melissa Gray can prevent forest fires.
  62. Melissa Gray can speak braille.
  63. Melissa Gray invented the hammer when she was tired of using her forehead to slam nails into wood.
  64. Melissa Gray died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell .
  65. Melissa Gray irons her clothes while she's wearing them.
  66. Santa Claus actually *did* exist until he accidentally skipped Melissa Gray's house one Christmas.
  67. Police label anyone attacking Melissa Gray as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
  68. Q: How many Melissa Gray's does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, Melissa Gray prefers to kill in the dark.
  69. Melissa Gray was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
  70. Melissa Gray is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.
  71. Melissa Gray can predict the shuffle on her iPod.
  72. Melissa Gray's blood type is WD-40.
  73. Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Melissa Gray fight.
  74. Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Melissa Gray likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
  75. Simply by pulling on both ends, Melissa Gray can stretch diamonds back into coal.
  76. People have often asked the United States, What is your secret weapon against terrorists? We simply reply... Melissa Gray
  77. Melissa Gray is allergic to doorknobs. Thats why she can only kick through doors.
  78. The Bible was originally titled "Melissa Gray and Friends"
  79. The crossing lights in Melissa Gray's home town say "Die slowly" and "die quickly". They each have a picture of Melissa Gray punching or kicking a pedestrian.
  80. Circles exist because Melissa Gray beat the crap out of some squares.
  81. For undercover police work, Melissa Gray pins her badge underneath her shirt, directly into her chest.
  82. Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Melissa Gray while she was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
  83. The chief export of Melissa Gray is Pain.
  84. The First rule of Melissa Gray is: you do not talk about Melissa Gray.
  85. Staring at Melissa Gray for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face.
  86. Crop circles are Melissa Gray's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the hell down.
  87. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Melissa Gray has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
  88. The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Melissa Gray didn't kill you in your sleep.
  89. The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Melissa Gray.
  90. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Melissa Gray punched herself in the face.
  91. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Melissa Gray out. It failed miserably.
  92. The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Melissa Gray 3. Cancer.
  93. The only sure things are Death and Taxes… and when Melissa Gray goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
  94. Melissa Gray sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with her eyes open, and she looks pissed off.
  95. Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Melissa Gray will beat his ass and take it.
  96. Melissa Gray's dog is trained to pick up its own poop because Melissa Gray will not take crap from anyone.
  97. If at first you don't succeed, you must not be Melissa Gray.
  98. The United States could save billions in defense funding if they trade the Military for Melissa Gray
  99. The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Melissa Gray in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
  100. The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Melissa Gray. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.

This article was brought to you by 100factsabout.com and LoopyTube.com.
Please Note: This page is intended purely as humor and plays off of quotes from many anonymous internet sources who originally stated the jokes in reference to celebrities such as Chuck Norris.