Top 100 Facts About Marius Sescu

  1. After taking a steroids test doctors informed Marius Sescu that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"
  2. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Marius Sescu and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
  3. Marius Sescu is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
  4. Marius Sescu was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
  5. Marius Sescu was born with the right to party. Unlike the rest of us, who have to fight for it.
  6. A picture is worth a thousand words. A picture of Marius Sescu is worth 1 billion words.
  7. A man once claimed Marius Sescu kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.
  8. Before sliced bread was invented, people used to say "Thats the greatest thing since Marius Sescu".
  9. Marius Sescu was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
  10. A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Marius Sescu, 3. Cancer
  11. Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Marius Sescu"
  12. Marius Sescu and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing their underwear on the outside of their pants.
  13. Marius Sescu's family wraps his holiday presents in lead, so he can't see what's in them.
  14. For Marius Sescu, every street is "one way". His way.
  15. For undercover police work, Marius Sescu pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.
  16. Marius Sescu became a vegetarian not because he loves animals, but because he hates plants.
  17. Crop circles are Marius Sescu's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
  18. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Marius Sescu.
  19. Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Marius Sescu to go around.
  20. As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Marius Sescu."
  21. Google won't search for Marius Sescu because it knows you don't find Marius Sescu, he finds you.
  22. He who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Marius Sescu … dies.
  23. Along with his black belt, Marius Sescu often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.
  24. Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Marius Sescu is on.
  25. Marius Sescu can predict the shuffle on his iPod.
  26. Guns don't kill people. Marius Sescu kills people.
  27. If Marius Sescu wants some shade, he stares the sun down until it eclipses.
  28. Marius Sescu can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
  29. If you work in an office with Marius Sescu, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.
  30. If you ask Marius Sescu what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
  31. Marius Sescu can tie his shoes with his feet.
  32. Marius Sescu always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.
  33. Marius Sescu died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell .
  34. Marius Sescu can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.
  35. If you spell Marius Sescu in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
  36. In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Marius Sescu was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.
  37. In an emergency, Marius Sescu can be used as a floatation device.
  38. Marius Sescu can speak braille.
  39. Marius Sescu can kill two stones with one bird.
  40. Marius Sescu invented the hammer when he was tired of using his forehead to slam nails into wood.
  41. In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Marius Sescu turned that wine into beer.
  42. Marius Sescu counted to infinity - twice.
  43. Marius Sescu doesn't have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.
  44. Marius Sescu is allergic to doorknobs. Thats why he can only kick through doors.
  45. It takes 14 puppeteers to make Marius Sescu smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
  46. Most people know that Descarte said, "I think, therefore I am." What most people don't know is that that quote continues, "...afraid of Marius Sescu."
  47. Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Marius Sescu jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
  48. Marius Sescu is the only one who can "try this at home."
  49. Little known medical fact: Marius Sescu invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
  50. Marius Sescu irons his clothes while he's wearing them.
  51. Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Marius Sescu is looking for it.
  52. Marius Sescu has beat the crap out of so many people over his brilliant life that most medical journals now classify him as a laxative.
  53. Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Marius Sescu.
  54. On a high school math test, Marius Sescu put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Marius Sescu solves all his problems with Violence.
  55. Marius Sescu does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Marius Sescu goes killing.
  56. Marius Sescu does not believe that there are 50 states, only 2, because where ever he goes becomes a State of Emergency and whenever he leaves, he leaves a State of Destruction
  57. Marius Sescu's blood type is WD-40.
  58. Not everyone that Marius Sescu is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.
  59. Fifty years ago, Marius Sescu accidentally stubbed his toe. The USA still hasn't fully repaired all of the ensuing damage.
  60. Marius Sescu is the only person in the world who can actually give 110%.
  61. People have often asked the United States, What is your secret weapon against terrorists? We simply reply... Marius Sescu
  62. Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Marius Sescu bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
  63. Marius Sescu's dog is trained to pick up its own poop because Marius Sescu will not take crap from anyone.
  64. Marius Sescu is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.
  65. Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Marius Sescu while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
  66. Marius Sescu sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with his eyes open, and he looks pissed off.
  67. People created the automobile to escape from Marius Sescu...Not to be outdone, Marius Sescu created the automobile accident.
  68. Simply by pulling on both ends, Marius Sescu can stretch diamonds back into coal.
  69. Santa Claus actually *did* exist until he accidentally skipped Marius Sescu's house one Christmas.
  70. Marius Sescu's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Marius Sescu.
  71. Marius Sescu used to beat the crap out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
  72. Hellen Keller's favorite color is Marius Sescu.
  73. Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Marius Sescu with "obstruction of justice." This is because even Marius Sescu cannot be in two places at the same time.
  74. Circles exist because Marius Sescu beat the crap out of some squares.
  75. Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Marius Sescu will beat his ass and take it.
  76. If you Google search "Marius Sescu getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
  77. Staring at Marius Sescu for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face.
  78. The crossing lights in Marius Sescu's home town say "Die slowly" and "die quickly". They each have a picture of Marius Sescu punching or kicking a pedestrian.
  79. The easiest way to determine Marius Sescu's age is to cut him in half and count the rings. Unfortunately, nothing can cut through Marius Sescu.
  80. If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Marius Sescu would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
  81. The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Marius Sescu come off without a hitch.
  82. If at first you don't succeed, you must not be Marius Sescu.
  83. The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Marius Sescu didn't kill you in your sleep.
  84. Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Marius Sescu's first visit to Tokyo.
  85. The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Marius Sescu.
  86. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Marius Sescu has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
  87. Everybody loves Raymond. Except Marius Sescu.
  88. Every time someone uses the word "intense", Marius Sescu always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
  89. In the Words of Julius Caesar, "Veni, Vidi, Vici, Marius Sescu". Translation: I came, I saw, and I was roundhouse-kicked in the face by Marius Sescu.
  90. The First rule of Marius Sescu is: you do not talk about Marius Sescu.
  91. The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Marius Sescu 3. Cancer.
  92. In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Marius Sescu.
  93. The pen is mighter than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Marius Sescu.
  94. The only time Marius Sescu was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
  95. It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Marius Sescu a giant meteor.
  96. If Marius Sescu wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.
  97. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Marius Sescu can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants.
  98. In an act of great philanthropy, Marius Sescu made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research.
  99. The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Marius Sescu. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
  100. The US did not boycott the 1980 Summer Olympics in Moscow due to political reasons: Marius Sescu killed the entire US team with a single round-house kick during TaeKwonDo practice.

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Please Note: This page is intended purely as humor and plays off of quotes from many anonymous internet sources who originally stated the jokes in reference to celebrities such as Chuck Norris.