Top 100 Facts About Mafi Hotz

  1. A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Mafi Hotz, 3. Cancer
  2. Mafi Hotz was born with the right to party. Unlike the rest of us, who have to fight for it.
  3. Mafi Hotz used to beat the crap out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
  4. A picture is worth a thousand words. A Mafi Hotz is worth 1 billion words.
  5. Mafi Hotz is the only one who can "try this at home."
  6. Mafi Hotz sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with his eyes open, and he looks pissed off.
  7. Mafi Hotz is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.
  8. Mafi Hotz is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
  9. Mafi Hotz's blood type is WD-40.
  10. A man once claimed Mafi Hotz kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.
  11. Mafi Hotz is the only person in the world who can actually give 110%.
  12. Mafi Hotz was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.
  13. Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Mafi Hotz is on.
  14. Mafi Hotz's dog is trained to pick up its own poop because Mafi Hotz will not take crap from anyone.
  15. Along with his black belt, Mafi Hotz often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.
  16. Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Mafi Hotz"
  17. Mafi Hotz's family wraps his holiday presents in lead, so he can't see what's in them.
  18. Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Mafi Hotz's first visit to Tokyo.
  19. Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Mafi Hotz will beat his ass and take it.
  20. Everybody loves Raymond. Except Mafi Hotz.
  21. He who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Mafi Hotz … dies.
  22. Before sliced bread was invented, people used to say "Thats the greatest thing since Mafi Hotz".
  23. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Mafi Hotz.
  24. If at first you don't succeed, you must not be Mafi Hotz.
  25. After taking a steroids test doctors informed Mafi Hotz that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"
  26. Mafi Hotz can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
  27. Mafi Hotz and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing their underwear on the outside of their pants.
  28. As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Mafi Hotz."
  29. Google won't search for Mafi Hotz because it knows you don't find Mafi Hotz, he finds you.
  30. If you Google search "Mafi Hotz getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
  31. If you spell Mafi Hotz in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
  32. Mafi Hotz can kill two stones with one bird.
  33. Mafi Hotz can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.
  34. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Mafi Hotz could use to kill you, including the room itself.
  35. In an act of great philanthropy, Mafi Hotz made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research.
  36. Mafi Hotz became a vegetarian not because he loves animals, but because he hates plants.
  37. If you work in an office with Mafi Hotz, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.
  38. In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Mafi Hotz.
  39. If Mafi Hotz wants some shade, he stares the sun down until it eclipses.
  40. If you ask Mafi Hotz what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
  41. In the Words of Julius Caesar, "Veni, Vidi, Vici, Mafi Hotz". Translation: I came, I saw, and I was roundhouse-kicked in the face by Mafi Hotz.
  42. Mafi Hotz always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.
  43. If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Mafi Hotz would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
  44. In an emergency, Mafi Hotz can be used as a floatation device.
  45. Mafi Hotz can speak braille.
  46. It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Mafi Hotz a giant meteor.
  47. Mafi Hotz can tie his shoes with his feet.
  48. Mafi Hotz counted to infinity - twice.
  49. It takes 14 puppeteers to make Mafi Hotz smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
  50. No matter what your mother always said, Mafi Hotz can tune a fish.
  51. Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Mafi Hotz roundhouse kick.
  52. Most people fear the Reaper. Mafi Hotz considers him "a promising Rookie".
  53. On a high school math test, Mafi Hotz put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Mafi Hotz solves all his problems with Violence.
  54. Mafi Hotz does not believe that there are 50 states, only 2, because where ever he goes becomes a State of Emergency and whenever he leaves, he leaves a State of Destruction
  55. Mafi Hotz does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Mafi Hotz goes killing.
  56. Once a cobra bit Mafi Hotz's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
  57. Mafi Hotz can predict the shuffle on his iPod.
  58. Mafi Hotz irons his clothes while he's wearing them.
  59. Mafi Hotz has beat the crap out of so many people over his brilliant life that most medical journals now classify him as a laxative.
  60. Mafi Hotz died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell .
  61. Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Mafi Hotz.
  62. Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Mafi Hotz beats all 3 at the same time.
  63. People created the automobile to escape from Mafi Hotz...Not to be outdone, Mafi Hotz created the automobile accident.
  64. Mafi Hotz was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
  65. Mafi Hotz is allergic to doorknobs. Thats why he can only kick through doors.
  66. Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Mafi Hotz fight.
  67. Q: How many Mafi Hotz's does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, Mafi Hotz prefers to kill in the dark.
  68. Mafi Hotz invented the hammer when he was tired of using his forehead to slam nails into wood.
  69. People have often asked the United States, What is your secret weapon against terrorists? We simply reply... Mafi Hotz
  70. President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Mafi Hotz *carried* his the same distance, but in half the time.
  71. Fifty years ago, Mafi Hotz accidentally stubbed his toe. The USA still hasn't fully repaired all of the ensuing damage.
  72. Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Mafi Hotz bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
  73. Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Mafi Hotz asks for a body bag.
  74. Mafi Hotz doesn't have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.
  75. Police label anyone attacking Mafi Hotz as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
  76. Santa Claus actually *did* exist until he accidentally skipped Mafi Hotz's house one Christmas.
  77. Mafi Hotz's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Mafi Hotz.
  78. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Mafi Hotz pajamas.
  79. Circles exist because Mafi Hotz beat the crap out of some squares.
  80. Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Mafi Hotz while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
  81. Staring at Mafi Hotz for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face.
  82. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Mafi Hotz punched himself in the face.
  83. The end result of the game "Clue" is always the same: Mafi Hotz was the murderer, it was in the orphanage, and the weapon was a hamster.
  84. The chief export of Mafi Hotz is Pain.
  85. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Mafi Hotz has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
  86. Crop circles are Mafi Hotz's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the hell down.
  87. Every time someone uses the word "intense", Mafi Hotz always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
  88. The last man who made eye contact with Mafi Hotz was Ray Charles.
  89. Mafi Hotz was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
  90. Hellen Keller's favorite color is Mafi Hotz.
  91. For undercover police work, Mafi Hotz pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.
  92. Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Mafi Hotz to go around.
  93. The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Mafi Hotz.
  94. The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Mafi Hotz played in second grade.
  95. The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Mafi Hotz. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
  96. In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Mafi Hotz turned that wine into beer.
  97. If Mafi Hotz wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.
  98. The square root of Mafi Hotz is pain. Do not try to square Mafi Hotz, the result is death.
  99. The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Mafi Hotz. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
  100. Guns don't kill people. Mafi Hotz kills People.

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Please Note: This page is intended purely as humor and plays off of quotes from many anonymous internet sources who originally stated the jokes in reference to celebrities such as Chuck Norris.