Top 100 Facts About Kristin Ghbeish

  1. A picture is worth a thousand words. A picture of Kristin Ghbeish is worth 1 billion words.
  2. After taking a steroids test doctors informed Kristin Ghbeish that she had tested positive. She laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"
  3. Along with her black belt, Kristin Ghbeish often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call her on it. Ever.
  4. Kristin Ghbeish sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with her eyes open, and she looks pissed off.
  5. As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Kristin Ghbeish."
  6. Kristin Ghbeish is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for her left and right legs.
  7. Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Kristin Ghbeish is on.
  8. Kristin Ghbeish is the only person in the world who can actually give 110%.
  9. A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Kristin Ghbeish, 3. Cancer
  10. Circles exist because Kristin Ghbeish beat the crap out of some squares.
  11. Kristin Ghbeish was born with the right to party. Unlike the rest of us, who have to fight for it.
  12. Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Kristin Ghbeish"
  13. Kristin Ghbeish's blood type is WD-40.
  14. Kristin Ghbeish's family wraps her holiday presents in lead, so she can't see what's in them.
  15. For undercover police work, Kristin Ghbeish pins her badge underneath her shirt, directly into her chest.
  16. Crop circles are Kristin Ghbeish's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
  17. Everybody loves Raymond. Except Kristin Ghbeish.
  18. Every time someone uses the word "intense", Kristin Ghbeish always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
  19. Kristin Ghbeish and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing their underwear on the outside of their pants.
  20. Guns don't kill people. Kristin Ghbeish kills people.
  21. Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Kristin Ghbeish to go around.
  22. Before sliced bread was invented, people used to say "Thats the greatest thing since Kristin Ghbeish".
  23. Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Kristin Ghbeish will beat his ass and take it.
  24. Kristin Ghbeish can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
  25. If at first you don't succeed, you must not be Kristin Ghbeish.
  26. Kristin Ghbeish always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.
  27. If you Google search "Kristin Ghbeish getting her ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
  28. He who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Kristin Ghbeish … dies.
  29. A man once claimed Kristin Ghbeish kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.
  30. Kristin Ghbeish can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.
  31. In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Kristin Ghbeish.
  32. If you work in an office with Kristin Ghbeish, don't ask her for her three-hole-punch.
  33. Kristin Ghbeish became a vegetarian not because she loves animals, but because she hates plants.
  34. Kristin Ghbeish can predict the shuffle on her iPod.
  35. Kristin Ghbeish can tie her shoes with her feet.
  36. In an act of great philanthropy, Kristin Ghbeish made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. She donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research.
  37. Kristin Ghbeish died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell .
  38. If you ask Kristin Ghbeish what time it is, she always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" she roundhouse kicks you in the face.
  39. Kristin Ghbeish can speak braille.
  40. If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Kristin Ghbeish would ever fight herself, she'd win. Period.
  41. Kristin Ghbeish can kill two stones with one bird.
  42. James Cameron wanted Kristin Ghbeish to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
  43. In an emergency, Kristin Ghbeish can be used as a floatation device.
  44. Kristin Ghbeish counted to infinity - twice.
  45. In the Words of Julius Caesar, "Veni, Vidi, Vici, Kristin Ghbeish". Translation: I came, I saw, and I was roundhouse-kicked in the face by Kristin Ghbeish.
  46. It takes 14 puppeteers to make Kristin Ghbeish smile, but only 2 to make her destroy an orphanage.
  47. Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Kristin Ghbeish jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
  48. Little known medical fact: Kristin Ghbeish invented the Caesarean section when she roundhouse-kicked her way out of her monther's womb.
  49. Most people fear the Reaper. Kristin Ghbeish considers him "a promising Rookie".
  50. Love does hurts. But not as much as Kristin Ghbeish.
  51. Kristin Ghbeish has beat the crap out of so many people over her brilliant life that most medical journals now classify her as a laxative.
  52. Not everyone that Kristin Ghbeish is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.
  53. Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Kristin Ghbeish is looking for it.
  54. Kristin Ghbeish does not believe that there are 50 states, only 2, because where ever she goes becomes a State of Emergency and whenever she leaves, she leaves a State of Destruction
  55. Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Kristin Ghbeish roundhouse kick.
  56. Kristin Ghbeish irons her clothes while she's wearing them.
  57. Once a cobra bit Kristin Ghbeish's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
  58. Kristin Ghbeish doesn't have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.
  59. Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Kristin Ghbeish beats all 3 at the same time.
  60. On a high school math test, Kristin Ghbeish put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. She got an A+ on the test because Kristin Ghbeish solves all her problems with Violence.
  61. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Kristin Ghbeish.
  62. Kristin Ghbeish is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.
  63. President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Kristin Ghbeish *carried* her the same distance, but in half the time.
  64. People have often asked the United States, What is your secret weapon against terrorists? We simply reply... Kristin Ghbeish
  65. Kristin Ghbeish invented the hammer when she was tired of using her forehead to slam nails into wood.
  66. Kristin Ghbeish is the only one who can "try this at home."
  67. Kristin Ghbeish was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
  68. Q: How many Kristin Ghbeish's does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, Kristin Ghbeish prefers to kill in the dark.
  69. Kristin Ghbeish's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Kristin Ghbeish.
  70. Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Kristin Ghbeish bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
  71. Kristin Ghbeish used to beat the crap out of her shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
  72. Police label anyone attacking Kristin Ghbeish as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
  73. Kristin Ghbeish is allergic to doorknobs. Thats why she can only kick through doors.
  74. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Kristin Ghbeish glare will liquefy your kidneys.
  75. Santa Claus actually *did* exist until he accidentally skipped Kristin Ghbeish's house one Christmas.
  76. Kristin Ghbeish was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when she managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
  77. Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Kristin Ghbeish asks for a body bag.
  78. Staring at Kristin Ghbeish for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face.
  79. The easiest way to determine Kristin Ghbeish's age is to cut her in half and count the rings. Unfortunately, nothing can cut through Kristin Ghbeish.
  80. The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Kristin Ghbeish come off without a hitch.
  81. The chief export of Kristin Ghbeish is Pain.
  82. The Bible was originally titled "Kristin Ghbeish and Friends"
  83. Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Kristin Ghbeish's first visit to Tokyo.
  84. The First rule of Kristin Ghbeish is: you do not talk about Kristin Ghbeish.
  85. The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Kristin Ghbeish didn't kill you in your sleep.
  86. Kristin Ghbeish's dog is trained to pick up its own poop because Kristin Ghbeish will not take crap from anyone.
  87. The end result of the game "Clue" is always the same: Kristin Ghbeish was the murderer, it was in the orphanage, and the weapon was a hamster.
  88. Hellen Keller's favorite color is Kristin Ghbeish.
  89. The last man who made eye contact with Kristin Ghbeish was Ray Charles.
  90. For Kristin Ghbeish, every street is "one way". Her way.
  91. The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Kristin Ghbeish played in second grade.
  92. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Kristin Ghbeish has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
  93. Kristin Ghbeish does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Kristin Ghbeish goes killing.
  94. If Kristin Ghbeish wants some shade, she stares the sun down until it eclipses.
  95. The quickest way to a man's heart is with Kristin Ghbeish's fist.
  96. The pen is mighter than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Kristin Ghbeish.
  97. Google won't search for Kristin Ghbeish because it knows you don't find Kristin Ghbeish, she finds you.
  98. If you spell Kristin Ghbeish in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
  99. In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Kristin Ghbeish turned that wine into beer.
  100. The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Kristin Ghbeish. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.

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Please Note: This page is intended purely as humor and plays off of quotes from many anonymous internet sources who originally stated the jokes in reference to celebrities such as Chuck Norris.