Top 100 Facts About Kristin Ghbeish

  1. A picture is worth a thousand words. A Kristin Ghbeish is worth 1 billion words.
  2. After taking a steroids test doctors informed Kristin Ghbeish that she had tested positive. She laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"
  3. Along with her black belt, Kristin Ghbeish often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call her on it. Ever.
  4. Kristin Ghbeish sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with her eyes open, and she looks pissed off.
  5. As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Kristin Ghbeish."
  6. Kristin Ghbeish is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for her left and right legs.
  7. Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Kristin Ghbeish is on.
  8. Kristin Ghbeish is the only person in the world who can actually give 110%.
  9. A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Kristin Ghbeish, 3. Cancer
  10. Kristin Ghbeish's family wraps her holiday presents in lead, so she can't see what's in them.
  11. Kristin Ghbeish was born with the right to party. Unlike the rest of us, who have to fight for it.
  12. Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Kristin Ghbeish"
  13. Kristin Ghbeish was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when she managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
  14. Kristin Ghbeish's dog is trained to pick up its own poop because Kristin Ghbeish will not take crap from anyone.
  15. For Kristin Ghbeish, every street is "one way". Her way.
  16. Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Kristin Ghbeish to go around.
  17. Every time someone uses the word "intense", Kristin Ghbeish always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
  18. Crop circles are Kristin Ghbeish's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the hell down.
  19. Kristin Ghbeish and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing their underwear on the outside of their pants.
  20. Google won't search for Kristin Ghbeish because it knows you don't find Kristin Ghbeish, she finds you.
  21. Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Kristin Ghbeish while she was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
  22. Before sliced bread was invented, people used to say "Thats the greatest thing since Kristin Ghbeish".
  23. For undercover police work, Kristin Ghbeish pins her badge underneath her shirt, directly into her chest.
  24. Kristin Ghbeish can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
  25. Hellen Keller's favorite color is Kristin Ghbeish.
  26. Kristin Ghbeish always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.
  27. If you ask Kristin Ghbeish what time it is, she always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" she roundhouse kicks you in the face.
  28. Guns don't kill people. Kristin Ghbeish kills People.
  29. A man once claimed Kristin Ghbeish kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.
  30. Kristin Ghbeish can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.
  31. If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Kristin Ghbeish would ever fight herself, she'd win. Period.
  32. If you spell Kristin Ghbeish in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
  33. Kristin Ghbeish became a vegetarian not because she loves animals, but because she hates plants.
  34. Kristin Ghbeish can predict the shuffle on her iPod.
  35. Kristin Ghbeish can tie her shoes with her feet.
  36. In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Kristin Ghbeish.
  37. Kristin Ghbeish died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell .
  38. If Kristin Ghbeish wants your opinion, she'll beat it into you.
  39. Kristin Ghbeish can speak braille.
  40. If you work in an office with Kristin Ghbeish, don't ask her for her three-hole-punch.
  41. Kristin Ghbeish can kill two stones with one bird.
  42. It takes 14 puppeteers to make Kristin Ghbeish smile, but only 2 to make her destroy an orphanage.
  43. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Kristin Ghbeish could use to kill you, including the room itself.
  44. Kristin Ghbeish counted to infinity - twice.
  45. In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Kristin Ghbeish was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.
  46. It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Kristin Ghbeish a giant meteor.
  47. Most people know that Descarte said, "I think, therefore I am." What most people don't know is that that quote continues, "...afraid of Kristin Ghbeish."
  48. Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Kristin Ghbeish is looking for it.
  49. Love does hurts. But not as much as Kristin Ghbeish.
  50. Little known medical fact: Kristin Ghbeish invented the Caesarean section when she roundhouse-kicked her way out of her monther's womb.
  51. Kristin Ghbeish has beat the crap out of so many people over her brilliant life that most medical journals now classify her as a laxative.
  52. Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Kristin Ghbeish.
  53. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Kristin Ghbeish can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell she wants.
  54. Kristin Ghbeish does not believe that there are 50 states, only 2, because where ever she goes becomes a State of Emergency and whenever she leaves, she leaves a State of Destruction
  55. Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Kristin Ghbeish jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
  56. Kristin Ghbeish irons her clothes while she's wearing them.
  57. On her birthday, Kristin Ghbeish randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
  58. Kristin Ghbeish doesn't have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.
  59. Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Kristin Ghbeish bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
  60. Not everyone that Kristin Ghbeish is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.
  61. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Kristin Ghbeish.
  62. Kristin Ghbeish is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.
  63. Police label anyone attacking Kristin Ghbeish as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
  64. People created the automobile to escape from Kristin Ghbeish...Not to be outdone, Kristin Ghbeish created the automobile accident.
  65. Kristin Ghbeish invented the hammer when she was tired of using her forehead to slam nails into wood.
  66. Kristin Ghbeish is the only one who can "try this at home."
  67. Kristin Ghbeish was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.
  68. President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Kristin Ghbeish *carried* her the same distance, but in half the time.
  69. Kristin Ghbeish's blood type is WD-40.
  70. Only Kristin Ghbeish can prevent forest fires.
  71. Kristin Ghbeish used to beat the crap out of her shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind her.
  72. People have often asked the United States, What is your secret weapon against terrorists? We simply reply... Kristin Ghbeish
  73. Kristin Ghbeish is allergic to doorknobs. Thats why she can only kick through doors.
  74. Staring at Kristin Ghbeish for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face.
  75. Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Kristin Ghbeish fight.
  76. Kristin Ghbeish was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
  77. Simply by pulling on both ends, Kristin Ghbeish can stretch diamonds back into coal.
  78. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Kristin Ghbeish pajamas.
  79. The crossing lights in Kristin Ghbeish's home town say "Die slowly" and "die quickly". They each have a picture of Kristin Ghbeish punching or kicking a pedestrian.
  80. The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Kristin Ghbeish didn't kill you in your sleep.
  81. The Bible was originally titled "Kristin Ghbeish and Friends"
  82. The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Kristin Ghbeish come off without a hitch.
  83. Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Kristin Ghbeish will beat his ass and take it.
  84. The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Kristin Ghbeish.
  85. Sweating bullets is literally what happens when Kristin Ghbeish gets too hot.
  86. Kristin Ghbeish's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Kristin Ghbeish.
  87. The easiest way to determine Kristin Ghbeish's age is to cut her in half and count the rings. Unfortunately, nothing can cut through Kristin Ghbeish.
  88. He who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Kristin Ghbeish … dies.
  89. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Kristin Ghbeish out. It failed miserably.
  90. Everybody loves Raymond. Except Kristin Ghbeish.
  91. The only time Kristin Ghbeish was wrong was when she thought she had made a mistake.
  92. The First rule of Kristin Ghbeish is: you do not talk about Kristin Ghbeish.
  93. Kristin Ghbeish does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Kristin Ghbeish goes killing.
  94. If at first you don't succeed, you must not be Kristin Ghbeish.
  95. The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Kristin Ghbeish in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
  96. The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Kristin Ghbeish. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
  97. Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Kristin Ghbeish's first visit to Tokyo.
  98. If you Google search "Kristin Ghbeish getting her ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
  99. In an emergency, Kristin Ghbeish can be used as a floatation device.
  100. The quickest way to a man's heart is with Kristin Ghbeish's fist.

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Please Note: This page is intended purely as humor and plays off of quotes from many anonymous internet sources who originally stated the jokes in reference to celebrities such as Chuck Norris.