Top 100 Facts About Katy Perry

  1. Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Katy Perry is on.
  2. Katy Perry is allergic to doorknobs. Thats why she can only kick through doors.
  3. Katy Perry was born with the right to party. Unlike the rest of us, who have to fight for it.
  4. Katy Perry is the only one who can "try this at home."
  5. After taking a steroids test doctors informed Katy Perry that she had tested positive. She laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"
  6. Katy Perry's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Katy Perry.
  7. Katy Perry's family wraps her holiday presents in lead, so she can't see what's in them.
  8. Katy Perry's dog is trained to pick up its own poop because Katy Perry will not take crap from anyone.
  9. Katy Perry was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
  10. A picture is worth a thousand words. A picture of Katy Perry is worth 1 billion words.
  11. Katy Perry is the only person in the world who can actually give 110%.
  12. A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Katy Perry, 3. Cancer
  13. Along with her black belt, Katy Perry often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call her on it. Ever.
  14. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Katy Perry.
  15. For Katy Perry, every street is "one way". Her way.
  16. For undercover police work, Katy Perry pins her badge underneath her shirt, directly into her chest.
  17. Katy Perry's blood type is WD-40.
  18. Katy Perry was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when she managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
  19. Every time someone uses the word "intense", Katy Perry always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
  20. Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Katy Perry while she was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
  21. Katy Perry always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.
  22. Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Katy Perry"
  23. Google won't search for Katy Perry because it knows you don't find Katy Perry, she finds you.
  24. If at first you don't succeed, you must not be Katy Perry.
  25. Katy Perry became a vegetarian not because she loves animals, but because she hates plants.
  26. Hellen Keller's favorite color is Katy Perry.
  27. If you spell Katy Perry in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
  28. A man once claimed Katy Perry kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.
  29. If you work in an office with Katy Perry, don't ask her for her three-hole-punch.
  30. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Katy Perry and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
  31. If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Katy Perry would ever fight herself, she'd win. Period.
  32. If Katy Perry wants your opinion, she'll beat it into you.
  33. Katy Perry can kill two stones with one bird.
  34. If Katy Perry wants some shade, she stares the sun down until it eclipses.
  35. In an emergency, Katy Perry can be used as a floatation device.
  36. If you Google search "Katy Perry getting her ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
  37. Katy Perry can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.
  38. Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Katy Perry needs toothpicks.
  39. It takes 14 puppeteers to make Katy Perry smile, but only 2 to make her destroy an orphanage.
  40. It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Katy Perry a giant meteor.
  41. In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Katy Perry turned that wine into beer.
  42. Katy Perry and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing their underwear on the outside of their pants.
  43. In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Katy Perry.
  44. Katy Perry can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
  45. Katy Perry can predict the shuffle on her iPod.
  46. Katy Perry died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell .
  47. Most people know that Descarte said, "I think, therefore I am." What most people don't know is that that quote continues, "...afraid of Katy Perry."
  48. Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Katy Perry jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
  49. In the Words of Julius Caesar, "Veni, Vidi, Vici, Katy Perry". Translation: I came, I saw, and I was roundhouse-kicked in the face by Katy Perry.
  50. In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Katy Perry was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.
  51. Love does hurt. But not as much as Katy Perry.
  52. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Katy Perry can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell she wants.
  53. Katy Perry does not believe that there are 50 states, only 2, because where ever she goes becomes a State of Emergency and whenever she leaves, she leaves a State of Destruction
  54. Katy Perry can speak braille.
  55. Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Katy Perry.
  56. Once a cobra bit Katy Perry's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
  57. Katy Perry doesn't have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.
  58. On her birthday, Katy Perry randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
  59. People created the automobile to escape from Katy Perry...Not to be outdone, Katy Perry created the automobile accident.
  60. Before sliced bread was invented, people used to say "Thats the greatest thing since Katy Perry".
  61. People have often asked the United States, What is your secret weapon against terrorists? We simply reply... Katy Perry
  62. As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Katy Perry."
  63. Police label anyone attacking Katy Perry as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
  64. Only Katy Perry can prevent forest fires.
  65. Katy Perry irons her clothes while she's wearing them.
  66. Fifty years ago, Katy Perry accidentally stubbed her toe. The USA still hasn't fully repaired all of the ensuing damage.
  67. Santa Claus actually *did* exist until he accidentally skipped Katy Perry's house one Christmas.
  68. Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Katy Perry beats all 3 at the same time.
  69. Katy Perry invented the hammer when she was tired of using her forehead to slam nails into wood.
  70. Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Katy Perry likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
  71. Staring at Katy Perry for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face.
  72. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Katy Perry pajamas.
  73. Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Katy Perry with "obstruction of justice." This is because even Katy Perry cannot be in two places at the same time.
  74. Katy Perry does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Katy Perry goes killing.
  75. President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Katy Perry *carried* her the same distance, but in half the time.
  76. Katy Perry has beat the crap out of so many people over her brilliant life that most medical journals now classify her as a laxative.
  77. Katy Perry is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.
  78. Circles exist because Katy Perry beat the crap out of some squares.
  79. The crossing lights in Katy Perry's home town say "Die slowly" and "die quickly". They each have a picture of Katy Perry punching or kicking a pedestrian.
  80. The easiest way to determine Katy Perry's age is to cut her in half and count the rings. Unfortunately, nothing can cut through Katy Perry.
  81. Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Katy Perry asks for a body bag.
  82. Simply by pulling on both ends, Katy Perry can stretch diamonds back into coal.
  83. The Bible was originally titled "Katy Perry and Friends"
  84. Sweating bullets is literally what happens when Katy Perry gets too hot.
  85. Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Katy Perry to go around.
  86. Katy Perry is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for her left and right legs.
  87. The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Katy Perry.
  88. The last man who made eye contact with Katy Perry was Ray Charles.
  89. Everybody loves Raymond. Except Katy Perry.
  90. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Katy Perry out. It failed miserably.
  91. The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Katy Perry. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
  92. Katy Perry counted to infinity - twice.
  93. The pen is mighter than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Katy Perry.
  94. Katy Perry can tie her shoes with her feet.
  95. The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Katy Perry in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
  96. The only sure things are Death and Taxes… and when Katy Perry goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
  97. Guns don't kill people. Katy Perry kills people.
  98. The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Katy Perry 3. Cancer.
  99. The United States could save billions in defense funding if they trade the Military for Katy Perry
  100. The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Katy Perry played in second grade.

This article was brought to you by and Tom Chapin.
Please Note: This page is intended purely as humor and plays off of quotes from many anonymous internet sources who originally stated the jokes in reference to celebrities such as Chuck Norris.