Top 100 Facts About Josh Fogg

  1. Josh Fogg is allergic to doorknobs. Thats why he can only kick through doors.
  2. Josh Fogg is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.
  3. Josh Fogg is the only person in the world who can actually give 110%.
  4. Josh Fogg is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
  5. Josh Fogg was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
  6. Josh Fogg was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
  7. Josh Fogg was born with the right to party. Unlike the rest of us, who have to fight for it.
  8. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Josh Fogg and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
  9. Josh Fogg is the only one who can "try this at home."
  10. Josh Fogg used to beat the crap out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
  11. After taking a steroids test doctors informed Josh Fogg that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"
  12. Circles exist because Josh Fogg beat the crap out of some squares.
  13. Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Josh Fogg"
  14. Josh Fogg's blood type is WD-40.
  15. A picture is worth a thousand words. A Josh Fogg is worth 1 billion words.
  16. Josh Fogg's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Josh Fogg.
  17. For undercover police work, Josh Fogg pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.
  18. Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Josh Fogg is on.
  19. Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Josh Fogg while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
  20. Along with his black belt, Josh Fogg often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.
  21. Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Josh Fogg to go around.
  22. He who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Josh Fogg … dies.
  23. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Josh Fogg.
  24. A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Josh Fogg, 3. Cancer
  25. Josh Fogg and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing their underwear on the outside of their pants.
  26. Google won't search for Josh Fogg because it knows you don't find Josh Fogg, he finds you.
  27. A man once claimed Josh Fogg kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.
  28. Guns don't kill people. Josh Fogg kills People.
  29. If at first you don't succeed, you must not be Josh Fogg.
  30. As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Josh Fogg."
  31. Josh Fogg can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.
  32. If you ask Josh Fogg what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
  33. If you Google search "Josh Fogg getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
  34. If Josh Fogg wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.
  35. If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Josh Fogg would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
  36. If you spell Josh Fogg in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
  37. In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Josh Fogg was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.
  38. In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Josh Fogg turned that wine into beer.
  39. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Josh Fogg could use to kill you, including the room itself.
  40. Before sliced bread was invented, people used to say "Thats the greatest thing since Josh Fogg".
  41. If you work in an office with Josh Fogg, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.
  42. In an act of great philanthropy, Josh Fogg made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research.
  43. Josh Fogg can kill two stones with one bird.
  44. James Cameron wanted Josh Fogg to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
  45. Josh Fogg can tie his shoes with his feet.
  46. In the Words of Julius Caesar, "Veni, Vidi, Vici, Josh Fogg". Translation: I came, I saw, and I was roundhouse-kicked in the face by Josh Fogg.
  47. Josh Fogg became a vegetarian not because he loves animals, but because he hates plants.
  48. Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Josh Fogg needs toothpicks.
  49. Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Josh Fogg jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
  50. Josh Fogg can predict the shuffle on his iPod.
  51. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Josh Fogg can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants.
  52. Josh Fogg can speak braille.
  53. Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Josh Fogg is looking for it.
  54. On a high school math test, Josh Fogg put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Josh Fogg solves all his problems with Violence.
  55. Josh Fogg does not believe that there are 50 states, only 2, because where ever he goes becomes a State of Emergency and whenever he leaves, he leaves a State of Destruction
  56. Josh Fogg can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
  57. Josh Fogg doesn't have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.
  58. Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Josh Fogg.
  59. Josh Fogg always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.
  60. Not everyone that Josh Fogg is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.
  61. Once a cobra bit Josh Fogg's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
  62. Josh Fogg counted to infinity - twice.
  63. Josh Fogg irons his clothes while he's wearing them.
  64. Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Josh Fogg bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
  65. Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Josh Fogg beats all 3 at the same time.
  66. Only Josh Fogg can prevent forest fires.
  67. Police label anyone attacking Josh Fogg as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
  68. People created the automobile to escape from Josh Fogg...Not to be outdone, Josh Fogg created the automobile accident.
  69. Simply by pulling on both ends, Josh Fogg can stretch diamonds back into coal.
  70. Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Josh Fogg with "obstruction of justice." This is because even Josh Fogg cannot be in two places at the same time.
  71. Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Josh Fogg fight.
  72. Josh Fogg died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell .
  73. People have often asked the United States, What is your secret weapon against terrorists? We simply reply... Josh Fogg
  74. Q: How many Josh Fogg's does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, Josh Fogg prefers to kill in the dark.
  75. Josh Fogg sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with his eyes open, and he looks pissed off.
  76. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Josh Fogg glare will liquefy your kidneys.
  77. Josh Fogg's family wraps his holiday presents in lead, so he can't see what's in them.
  78. Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Josh Fogg asks for a body bag.
  79. Josh Fogg has beat the crap out of so many people over his brilliant life that most medical journals now classify him as a laxative.
  80. Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Josh Fogg likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
  81. The easiest way to determine Josh Fogg's age is to cut him in half and count the rings. Unfortunately, nothing can cut through Josh Fogg.
  82. Josh Fogg was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.
  83. Sweating bullets is literally what happens when Josh Fogg gets too hot.
  84. Josh Fogg's dog is trained to pick up its own poop because Josh Fogg will not take crap from anyone.
  85. The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Josh Fogg didn't kill you in your sleep.
  86. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Josh Fogg has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
  87. Everybody loves Raymond. Except Josh Fogg.
  88. Josh Fogg invented the hammer when he was tired of using his forehead to slam nails into wood.
  89. Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Josh Fogg will beat his ass and take it.
  90. The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Josh Fogg.
  91. Josh Fogg does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Josh Fogg goes killing.
  92. The First rule of Josh Fogg is: you do not talk about Josh Fogg.
  93. The last man who made eye contact with Josh Fogg was Ray Charles.
  94. Crop circles are Josh Fogg's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
  95. If Josh Fogg wants some shade, he stares the sun down until it eclipses.
  96. The only time Josh Fogg was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
  97. The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Josh Fogg played in second grade.
  98. The only sure things are Death and Taxes… and when Josh Fogg goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
  99. The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Josh Fogg in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
  100. The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Josh Fogg. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.

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Please Note: This page is intended purely as humor and plays off of quotes from many anonymous internet sources who originally stated the jokes in reference to celebrities such as Chuck Norris.