Top 100 Facts About Halcyon Pink

  1. Halcyon Pink used to beat the crap out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
  2. A picture is worth a thousand words. A picture of Halcyon Pink is worth 1 billion words.
  3. Halcyon Pink is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.
  4. Halcyon Pink is the only one who can "try this at home."
  5. Halcyon Pink irons his clothes while he's wearing them.
  6. Halcyon Pink is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
  7. A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Halcyon Pink, 3. Cancer
  8. Halcyon Pink's dog is trained to pick up its own poop because Halcyon Pink will not take crap from anyone.
  9. Halcyon Pink's blood type is WD-40.
  10. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Halcyon Pink and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
  11. Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Halcyon Pink is on.
  12. Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Halcyon Pink while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
  13. Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Halcyon Pink to go around.
  14. Crop circles are Halcyon Pink's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
  15. As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Halcyon Pink."
  16. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Halcyon Pink.
  17. A man once claimed Halcyon Pink kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.
  18. Halcyon Pink's family wraps his holiday presents in lead, so he can't see what's in them.
  19. After taking a steroids test doctors informed Halcyon Pink that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"
  20. Guns don't kill people. Halcyon Pink kills people.
  21. Everybody loves Raymond. Except Halcyon Pink.
  22. Halcyon Pink and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing their underwear on the outside of their pants.
  23. Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Halcyon Pink will beat his ass and take it.
  24. If Halcyon Pink wants some shade, he stares the sun down until it eclipses.
  25. Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Halcyon Pink's first visit to Tokyo.
  26. For Halcyon Pink, every street is "one way". His way.
  27. If you ask Halcyon Pink what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
  28. Halcyon Pink became a vegetarian not because he loves animals, but because he hates plants.
  29. Along with his black belt, Halcyon Pink often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.
  30. In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Halcyon Pink.
  31. If at first you don't succeed, you must not be Halcyon Pink.
  32. If you work in an office with Halcyon Pink, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.
  33. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Halcyon Pink could use to kill you, including the room itself.
  34. Halcyon Pink always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.
  35. Hellen Keller's favorite color is Halcyon Pink.
  36. If you spell Halcyon Pink in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
  37. He who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Halcyon Pink … dies.
  38. If you Google search "Halcyon Pink getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
  39. Halcyon Pink can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
  40. It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Halcyon Pink a giant meteor.
  41. In the Words of Julius Caesar, "Veni, Vidi, Vici, Halcyon Pink". Translation: I came, I saw, and I was roundhouse-kicked in the face by Halcyon Pink.
  42. Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Halcyon Pink"
  43. Halcyon Pink can kill two stones with one bird.
  44. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Halcyon Pink can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants.
  45. Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Halcyon Pink is looking for it.
  46. Little known medical fact: Halcyon Pink invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
  47. Halcyon Pink can tie his shoes with his feet.
  48. Halcyon Pink died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell .
  49. Before sliced bread was invented, people used to say "Thats the greatest thing since Halcyon Pink".
  50. It takes 14 puppeteers to make Halcyon Pink smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
  51. Halcyon Pink can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.
  52. Not everyone that Halcyon Pink is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.
  53. Most people fear the Reaper. Halcyon Pink considers him "a promising Rookie".
  54. Halcyon Pink does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Halcyon Pink goes killing.
  55. Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Halcyon Pink roundhouse kick.
  56. Fifty years ago, Halcyon Pink accidentally stubbed his toe. The USA still hasn't fully repaired all of the ensuing damage.
  57. No matter what your mother always said, Halcyon Pink can tune a fish.
  58. Most people know that Descarte said, "I think, therefore I am." What most people don't know is that that quote continues, "...afraid of Halcyon Pink."
  59. Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Halcyon Pink bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
  60. Halcyon Pink doesn't have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.
  61. Halcyon Pink can predict the shuffle on his iPod.
  62. President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Halcyon Pink *carried* his the same distance, but in half the time.
  63. Once a cobra bit Halcyon Pink's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
  64. People have often asked the United States, What is your secret weapon against terrorists? We simply reply... Halcyon Pink
  65. Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Halcyon Pink fight.
  66. Halcyon Pink does not believe that there are 50 states, only 2, because where ever he goes becomes a State of Emergency and whenever he leaves, he leaves a State of Destruction
  67. On his birthday, Halcyon Pink randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
  68. People created the automobile to escape from Halcyon Pink...Not to be outdone, Halcyon Pink created the automobile accident.
  69. On a high school math test, Halcyon Pink put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Halcyon Pink solves all his problems with Violence.
  70. Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Halcyon Pink beats all 3 at the same time.
  71. Halcyon Pink has beat the crap out of so many people over his brilliant life that most medical journals now classify him as a laxative.
  72. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Halcyon Pink pajamas.
  73. Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Halcyon Pink asks for a body bag.
  74. Halcyon Pink can speak braille.
  75. Halcyon Pink is allergic to doorknobs. Thats why he can only kick through doors.
  76. Sweating bullets is literally what happens when Halcyon Pink gets too hot.
  77. The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Halcyon Pink didn't kill you in your sleep.
  78. The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Halcyon Pink come off without a hitch.
  79. Halcyon Pink was born with the right to party. Unlike the rest of us, who have to fight for it.
  80. Halcyon Pink was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
  81. Halcyon Pink counted to infinity - twice.
  82. Staring at Halcyon Pink for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face.
  83. Halcyon Pink invented the hammer when he was tired of using his forehead to slam nails into wood.
  84. The First rule of Halcyon Pink is: you do not talk about Halcyon Pink.
  85. The chief export of Halcyon Pink is Pain.
  86. Circles exist because Halcyon Pink beat the crap out of some squares.
  87. The end result of the game "Clue" is always the same: Halcyon Pink was the murderer, it was in the orphanage, and the weapon was a hamster.
  88. The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Halcyon Pink 3. Cancer.
  89. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Halcyon Pink punched himself in the face.
  90. The crossing lights in Halcyon Pink's home town say "Die slowly" and "die quickly". They each have a picture of Halcyon Pink punching or kicking a pedestrian.
  91. The only time Halcyon Pink was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
  92. Every time someone uses the word "intense", Halcyon Pink always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
  93. Halcyon Pink is the only person in the world who can actually give 110%.
  94. The quickest way to a man's heart is with Halcyon Pink's fist.
  95. The last man who made eye contact with Halcyon Pink was Ray Charles.
  96. The pen is mighter than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Halcyon Pink.
  97. The square root of Halcyon Pink is pain. Do not try to square Halcyon Pink, the result is death.
  98. Halcyon Pink's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Halcyon Pink.
  99. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Halcyon Pink out. It failed miserably.
  100. The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Halcyon Pink. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.

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Please Note: This page is intended purely as humor and plays off of quotes from many anonymous internet sources who originally stated the jokes in reference to celebrities such as Chuck Norris.