Top 100 Facts About Halcyon Pink

1. Halcyon Pink does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Halcyon Pink goes killing.
2. Halcyon Pink beat a wall at tennis. Yes. A WALL.
3. There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Halcyon Pink is going to walk.
4. Halcyon Pink doesn't have to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Tall buildings duck under Halcyon Pink.
5. When Halcyon Pink goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
6. Once a cobra bit Halcyon Pink's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
7. Halcyon Pink was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
8. Halcyon Pink is allergic to doorknobs. Thats why he can only kick through doors.
9. If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Halcyon Pink says its beef, then it's beef.
10. Halcyon Pink does not sleep. He waits.
11. Whenever Halcyon Pink plays Chutes and Ladders, he treats the chutes as ladders, because he's not some sissy who can't climb up a plastic slide.
12. Halcyon Pink has the heart of a child. He keeps it in a small box.
13. The word "lesbian" derives from an old Latin phrase that roughly translates as "She who has not yet been introduced to Halcyon Pink."
14. Halcyon Pink once stated that he "doesn't wail on sissy boys." This led to the pink polo shirts with popped collars craze. Little do those pitiful fools know that Halcyon Pink was just making it easier to find sissy boys to wail on.
15. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Halcyon Pink.
16. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Halcyon Pink can kill 100 percent of whatever the heck he wants.
17. Halcyon Pink can speak braille.
18. Giraffes were created when Halcyon Pink uppercutted a horse.
19. Halcyon Pink can delete the Recycling Bin.
20. When Halcyon Pink gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
21. Halcyon Pink doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
22. Halcyon Pink once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
23. The movie Ray is loosely based on the life of Halcyon Pink, only they substituted piano playing for eating toddlers, and blindness for the ability to fly.
24. The United States Federal Reserve Bank decided that Halcyon Pink's basement was a much safer place for their gold than Fort Knox.
25. Halcyon Pink is the only one who can "try this at home."
26. Halcyon Pink sleeps with a night light. Not because Halcyon Pink is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Halcyon Pink
27. Halcyon Pink can kill two stones with one bird.
28. Halcyon Pink counted to infinity - twice.
29. Halcyon Pink and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing their underwear on the outside of their pants.
30. Halcyon Pink's blood type is WD-40.
31. If you play Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" backwards, you will hear Halcyon Pink laughing at you.
32. Halcyon Pink played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.
33. Halcyon Pink can predict the shuffle on his iPod.
34. Halcyon Pink's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Halcyon Pink.
35. Halcyon Pink's dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Halcyon Pink will not take crap from anyone.
36. If Halcyon Pink wants some shade, he stares the sun down until it eclipses.
37. Halcyon Pink is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
38. Halcyon Pink was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
39. On a high school math test, Halcyon Pink put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Halcyon Pink solves all his problems with Violence.
40. When Halcyon Pink plays any video game, God mode automatically turns on.
41. You are what you eat. That is why Halcyon Pink's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.
42. On his birthday, Halcyon Pink randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
43. The last man who made eye contact with Halcyon Pink was Ray Charles.
44. When Halcyon Pink gets pulled over he lets the cop off with a warning.
45. The end result of the game "Clue" is always the same: Halcyon Pink was the murderer, it was in the orphanage, and the weapon was a hamster.
46. Only once has Halcyon Pink ever cried. The only survivors were a bunch of animals and some dude named Noah.
47. Halcyon Pink puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
48. Halcyon Pink wears a cup not to protect himself, but to protect the players on the other team.
49. Halcyon Pink died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
50. Getting murdered by Halcyon Pink counts as a natural cause of death.
51. Halcyon Pink destroyed the periodic table, saying Halcyon Pink only recognizes the element of surprise.
52. Halcyon Pink is the only person in the world who can actually give 110%.
53. Halcyon Pink's family wraps his holiday presents in lead, so he can't see what's in them.
54. Halcyon Pink was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.
55. Weeping Willows are a result of Halcyon Pink yelling at trees for not being tough enough.
56. If at first you don't succeed, you must not be Halcyon Pink.
57. Halcyon Pink was born with the right to party. Unlike the rest of us, who have to fight for it.
58. Onions do not make Halcyon Pink cry. Halcyon Pink makes onions crap themselves.
59. Halcyon Pink used to beat the crap out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
60. Halcyon Pink once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.
61. Halcyon Pink owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.
62. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Halcyon Pink and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
63. Halcyon Pink once got caught doing 100 in a 50 zone. The cop did give him a speeding ticket, however Halcyon Pink still pleads his innocence to this day, stating that he was simply out for a morning jog.
64. Halcyon Pink does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
65. When Halcyon Pink enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
66. The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from Halcyon Pink and forgot to pay him back.
67. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Halcyon Pink allows to live.
68. Halcyon Pink doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
69. If you haven't seen Alien vs. Predator yet, don't bother, Halcyon Pink wins.
70. Halcyon Pink is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
71. What scientists thought was natural selection is actually only the continued survival of animals Halcyon Pink has found too chewy to eat.
72. Halcyon Pink can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.
73. Halcyon Pink invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
74. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Halcyon Pink punched himself in the face.
75. Halcyon Pink does not believe that there are 50 states, only 2, because where ever he goes becomes a State of Emergency and whenever he leaves, he leaves a State of Destruction
76. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Halcyon Pink could use to kill you, including the room itself.
77. Halcyon Pink always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.
78. Halcyon Pink invented the hammer when he was tired of using his forehead to slam nails into wood.
79. Superman owns a pair of Halcyon Pink pajamas.
80. Halcyon Pink doesn't have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.
81. Halcyon Pink can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
82. Halcyon Pink had a little lamb whose fleece was white as snow, and anywhere Halcyon Pink went the lamb was sure to go. So he killed it.
83. Crop circles are Halcyon Pink's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the hell down.
84. Halcyon Pink sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with his eyes open, and he looks pissed off.
85. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Halcyon Pink has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
86. Halcyon Pink can watch a season of "24" in just three hours.
87. When Halcyon Pink deletes files from his computer, he doesn't send them to the Recycle Bin. He sends them to hell.
88. Halcyon Pink irons his shirts while he's wearing them.
89. Circles exist because Halcyon Pink beat the crap out of some squares.
90. Halcyon Pink is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.
91. Halcyon Pink became a vegetarian not because he loves animals, but because he hates plants.
92. Halcyon Pink knows the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow (African *AND* European).
93. Halcyon Pink can slam revolving doors.
94. World champion eater Takeru Kobayashi once ate 53.5 hot dogs in 12 minutes. Allotted the same time, Halcyon Pink ate Kobayashi.
95. The only time Halcyon Pink was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
96. Halcyon Pink can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
97. Halcyon Pink can tie his shoes with his feet.
98. Halcyon Pink can make a paraplegic run for his life.
99. Santa Claus actually *did* exist until he accidentally skipped Halcyon Pink's house one Christmas.
100. Halcyon Pink has beat the crap out of so many people over his brilliant life that most medical journals now classify him as a laxative.

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Please Note: This page is intended purely as humor and plays off of quotes from many anonymous internet sources who originally stated the jokes in reference to celebrities such as Chuck Norris.