Top 100 Facts About Halcyon Pink

  1. Halcyon Pink used to beat the crap out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
  2. A picture is worth a thousand words. A Halcyon Pink is worth 1 billion words.
  3. Halcyon Pink is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.
  4. Halcyon Pink is the only one who can "try this at home."
  5. Halcyon Pink irons his clothes while he's wearing them.
  6. Halcyon Pink is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
  7. A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Halcyon Pink, 3. Cancer
  8. Halcyon Pink's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Halcyon Pink.
  9. Halcyon Pink was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
  10. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Halcyon Pink and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
  11. Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Halcyon Pink is on.
  12. Circles exist because Halcyon Pink beat the crap out of some squares.
  13. Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Halcyon Pink while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
  14. Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Halcyon Pink to go around.
  15. As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Halcyon Pink."
  16. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Halcyon Pink.
  17. A man once claimed Halcyon Pink kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.
  18. Halcyon Pink's dog is trained to pick up its own poop because Halcyon Pink will not take crap from anyone.
  19. After taking a steroids test doctors informed Halcyon Pink that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"
  20. Google won't search for Halcyon Pink because it knows you don't find Halcyon Pink, he finds you.
  21. Every time someone uses the word "intense", Halcyon Pink always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
  22. Halcyon Pink and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing their underwear on the outside of their pants.
  23. For undercover police work, Halcyon Pink pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.
  24. If at first you don't succeed, you must not be Halcyon Pink.
  25. Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Halcyon Pink will beat his ass and take it.
  26. Everybody loves Raymond. Except Halcyon Pink.
  27. If Halcyon Pink wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.
  28. Halcyon Pink became a vegetarian not because he loves animals, but because he hates plants.
  29. Along with his black belt, Halcyon Pink often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.
  30. If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Halcyon Pink would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
  31. Hellen Keller's favorite color is Halcyon Pink.
  32. If you spell Halcyon Pink in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
  33. In an act of great philanthropy, Halcyon Pink made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research.
  34. Halcyon Pink always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.
  35. He who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Halcyon Pink … dies.
  36. If you Google search "Halcyon Pink getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
  37. Guns don't kill people. Halcyon Pink kills People.
  38. If you ask Halcyon Pink what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
  39. Halcyon Pink can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
  40. Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Halcyon Pink needs toothpicks.
  41. In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Halcyon Pink was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.
  42. Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Halcyon Pink"
  43. Halcyon Pink can kill two stones with one bird.
  44. James Cameron wanted Halcyon Pink to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
  45. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Halcyon Pink can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants.
  46. Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Halcyon Pink is looking for it.
  47. Halcyon Pink can tie his shoes with his feet.
  48. Halcyon Pink died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell .
  49. Before sliced bread was invented, people used to say "Thats the greatest thing since Halcyon Pink".
  50. It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Halcyon Pink a giant meteor.
  51. Halcyon Pink can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.
  52. Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Halcyon Pink.
  53. Love does hurts. But not as much as Halcyon Pink.
  54. Halcyon Pink does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Halcyon Pink goes killing.
  55. Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Halcyon Pink jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
  56. Once a cobra bit Halcyon Pink's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
  57. Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Halcyon Pink roundhouse kick.
  58. Most people fear the Reaper. Halcyon Pink considers him "a promising Rookie".
  59. Only Halcyon Pink can prevent forest fires.
  60. Halcyon Pink doesn't have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.
  61. Halcyon Pink can predict the shuffle on his iPod.
  62. Police label anyone attacking Halcyon Pink as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
  63. On his birthday, Halcyon Pink randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
  64. People created the automobile to escape from Halcyon Pink...Not to be outdone, Halcyon Pink created the automobile accident.
  65. Q: How many Halcyon Pink's does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, Halcyon Pink prefers to kill in the dark.
  66. Halcyon Pink does not believe that there are 50 states, only 2, because where ever he goes becomes a State of Emergency and whenever he leaves, he leaves a State of Destruction
  67. On a high school math test, Halcyon Pink put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Halcyon Pink solves all his problems with Violence.
  68. Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Halcyon Pink beats all 3 at the same time.
  69. Not everyone that Halcyon Pink is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.
  70. Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Halcyon Pink bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
  71. Halcyon Pink has beat the crap out of so many people over his brilliant life that most medical journals now classify him as a laxative.
  72. Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Halcyon Pink likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
  73. Simply by pulling on both ends, Halcyon Pink can stretch diamonds back into coal.
  74. Halcyon Pink can speak braille.
  75. Halcyon Pink is allergic to doorknobs. Thats why he can only kick through doors.
  76. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Halcyon Pink glare will liquefy your kidneys.
  77. Sweating bullets is literally what happens when Halcyon Pink gets too hot.
  78. The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Halcyon Pink didn't kill you in your sleep.
  79. Halcyon Pink was born with the right to party. Unlike the rest of us, who have to fight for it.
  80. Halcyon Pink was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
  81. Halcyon Pink counted to infinity - twice.
  82. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Halcyon Pink pajamas.
  83. Halcyon Pink invented the hammer when he was tired of using his forehead to slam nails into wood.
  84. The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Halcyon Pink.
  85. The Bible was originally titled "Halcyon Pink and Friends"
  86. Halcyon Pink's family wraps his holiday presents in lead, so he can't see what's in them.
  87. The easiest way to determine Halcyon Pink's age is to cut him in half and count the rings. Unfortunately, nothing can cut through Halcyon Pink.
  88. The last man who made eye contact with Halcyon Pink was Ray Charles.
  89. The end result of the game "Clue" is always the same: Halcyon Pink was the murderer, it was in the orphanage, and the weapon was a hamster.
  90. The chief export of Halcyon Pink is Pain.
  91. The only sure things are Death and Taxes… and when Halcyon Pink goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
  92. Crop circles are Halcyon Pink's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
  93. Halcyon Pink is the only person in the world who can actually give 110%.
  94. The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Halcyon Pink in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
  95. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Halcyon Pink out. It failed miserably.
  96. The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Halcyon Pink. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
  97. The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Halcyon Pink. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
  98. Halcyon Pink's blood type is WD-40.
  99. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Halcyon Pink has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
  100. The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Halcyon Pink played in second grade.

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Please Note: This page is intended purely as humor and plays off of quotes from many anonymous internet sources who originally stated the jokes in reference to celebrities such as Chuck Norris.