Top 100 Facts About Filip Chereches-Tosa

  1. Filip Chereches-Tosa was born with the right to party. Unlike the rest of us, who have to fight for it.
  2. After taking a steroids test doctors informed Filip Chereches-Tosa that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"
  3. Filip Chereches-Tosa was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
  4. Filip Chereches-Tosa is allergic to doorknobs. Thats why he can only kick through doors.
  5. Filip Chereches-Tosa is the only person in the world who can actually give 110%.
  6. Filip Chereches-Tosa's dog is trained to pick up its own poop because Filip Chereches-Tosa will not take crap from anyone.
  7. Filip Chereches-Tosa is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.
  8. Filip Chereches-Tosa's family wraps his holiday presents in lead, so he can't see what's in them.
  9. Along with his black belt, Filip Chereches-Tosa often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.
  10. Filip Chereches-Tosa was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
  11. Circles exist because Filip Chereches-Tosa beat the crap out of some squares.
  12. Every time someone uses the word "intense", Filip Chereches-Tosa always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
  13. Filip Chereches-Tosa's blood type is WD-40.
  14. Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Filip Chereches-Tosa is on.
  15. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Filip Chereches-Tosa and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
  16. As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Filip Chereches-Tosa."
  17. A man once claimed Filip Chereches-Tosa kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.
  18. For undercover police work, Filip Chereches-Tosa pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.
  19. Everybody loves Raymond. Except Filip Chereches-Tosa.
  20. Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Filip Chereches-Tosa will beat his ass and take it.
  21. Before sliced bread was invented, people used to say "Thats the greatest thing since Filip Chereches-Tosa".
  22. Filip Chereches-Tosa always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.
  23. Filip Chereches-Tosa became a vegetarian not because he loves animals, but because he hates plants.
  24. Google won't search for Filip Chereches-Tosa because it knows you don't find Filip Chereches-Tosa, he finds you.
  25. If you ask Filip Chereches-Tosa what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
  26. Guns don't kill people. Filip Chereches-Tosa kills people.
  27. Hellen Keller's favorite color is Filip Chereches-Tosa.
  28. He who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Filip Chereches-Tosa … dies.
  29. If you Google search "Filip Chereches-Tosa getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
  30. Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Filip Chereches-Tosa"
  31. Filip Chereches-Tosa can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
  32. Filip Chereches-Tosa can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.
  33. In an emergency, Filip Chereches-Tosa can be used as a floatation device.
  34. Filip Chereches-Tosa can kill two stones with one bird.
  35. In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Filip Chereches-Tosa turned that wine into beer.
  36. If you spell Filip Chereches-Tosa in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
  37. In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Filip Chereches-Tosa.
  38. It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Filip Chereches-Tosa a giant meteor.
  39. If Filip Chereches-Tosa wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.
  40. It takes 14 puppeteers to make Filip Chereches-Tosa smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
  41. Filip Chereches-Tosa can speak braille.
  42. In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Filip Chereches-Tosa was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.
  43. James Cameron wanted Filip Chereches-Tosa to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
  44. Love does hurt. But not as much as Filip Chereches-Tosa.
  45. In the Words of Julius Caesar, "Veni, Vidi, Vici, Filip Chereches-Tosa". Translation: I came, I saw, and I was roundhouse-kicked in the face by Filip Chereches-Tosa.
  46. Filip Chereches-Tosa can predict the shuffle on his iPod.
  47. A picture is worth a thousand words. A picture of Filip Chereches-Tosa is worth 1 billion words.
  48. Filip Chereches-Tosa counted to infinity - twice.
  49. A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Filip Chereches-Tosa, 3. Cancer
  50. Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Filip Chereches-Tosa jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
  51. Most people fear the Reaper. Filip Chereches-Tosa considers him "a promising Rookie".
  52. Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Filip Chereches-Tosa roundhouse kick.
  53. Filip Chereches-Tosa died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell .
  54. Filip Chereches-Tosa does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Filip Chereches-Tosa goes killing.
  55. Filip Chereches-Tosa has beat the crap out of so many people over his brilliant life that most medical journals now classify him as a laxative.
  56. Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Filip Chereches-Tosa.
  57. Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Filip Chereches-Tosa bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
  58. Not everyone that Filip Chereches-Tosa is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.
  59. On his birthday, Filip Chereches-Tosa randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
  60. On a high school math test, Filip Chereches-Tosa put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Filip Chereches-Tosa solves all his problems with Violence.
  61. Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Filip Chereches-Tosa beats all 3 at the same time.
  62. Filip Chereches-Tosa can tie his shoes with his feet.
  63. Filip Chereches-Tosa invented the hammer when he was tired of using his forehead to slam nails into wood.
  64. Filip Chereches-Tosa irons his clothes while he's wearing them.
  65. Santa Claus actually *did* exist until he accidentally skipped Filip Chereches-Tosa's house one Christmas.
  66. Filip Chereches-Tosa is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
  67. Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Filip Chereches-Tosa with "obstruction of justice." This is because even Filip Chereches-Tosa cannot be in two places at the same time.
  68. People created the automobile to escape from Filip Chereches-Tosa...Not to be outdone, Filip Chereches-Tosa created the automobile accident.
  69. President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Filip Chereches-Tosa *carried* his the same distance, but in half the time.
  70. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Filip Chereches-Tosa pajamas.
  71. Only Filip Chereches-Tosa can prevent forest fires.
  72. Staring at Filip Chereches-Tosa for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face.
  73. Filip Chereches-Tosa sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with his eyes open, and he looks pissed off.
  74. Simply by pulling on both ends, Filip Chereches-Tosa can stretch diamonds back into coal.
  75. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Filip Chereches-Tosa glare will liquefy your kidneys.
  76. The Bible was originally titled "Filip Chereches-Tosa and Friends"
  77. Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Filip Chereches-Tosa asks for a body bag.
  78. Filip Chereches-Tosa is the only one who can "try this at home."
  79. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Filip Chereches-Tosa.
  80. Filip Chereches-Tosa's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Filip Chereches-Tosa.
  81. Filip Chereches-Tosa and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing their underwear on the outside of their pants.
  82. The easiest way to determine Filip Chereches-Tosa's age is to cut him in half and count the rings. Unfortunately, nothing can cut through Filip Chereches-Tosa.
  83. The chief export of Filip Chereches-Tosa is Pain.
  84. The end result of the game "Clue" is always the same: Filip Chereches-Tosa was the murderer, it was in the orphanage, and the weapon was a hamster.
  85. Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Filip Chereches-Tosa while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
  86. Crop circles are Filip Chereches-Tosa's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
  87. Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Filip Chereches-Tosa's first visit to Tokyo.
  88. The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Filip Chereches-Tosa.
  89. The only time Filip Chereches-Tosa was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
  90. The First rule of Filip Chereches-Tosa is: you do not talk about Filip Chereches-Tosa.
  91. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Filip Chereches-Tosa out. It failed miserably.
  92. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Filip Chereches-Tosa has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
  93. The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Filip Chereches-Tosa played in second grade.
  94. Filip Chereches-Tosa used to beat the crap out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
  95. If at first you don't succeed, you must not be Filip Chereches-Tosa.
  96. If Filip Chereches-Tosa wants some shade, he stares the sun down until it eclipses.
  97. The United States could save billions in defense funding if they trade the Military for Filip Chereches-Tosa
  98. If you work in an office with Filip Chereches-Tosa, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.
  99. The United States Federal Reserve Bank decided that Filip Chereches-Tosa's basement was a much safer place for their gold than Fort Knox.
  100. The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Filip Chereches-Tosa. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.

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Please Note: This page is intended purely as humor and plays off of quotes from many anonymous internet sources who originally stated the jokes in reference to celebrities such as Chuck Norris.