Top 100 Facts About Emi Gal

  1. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Emi Gal and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
  2. Emi Gal is allergic to doorknobs. Thats why he can only kick through doors.
  3. A picture is worth a thousand words. A picture of Emi Gal is worth 1 billion words.
  4. Emi Gal used to beat the crap out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
  5. A man once claimed Emi Gal kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.
  6. Emi Gal is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
  7. Emi Gal is the only one who can "try this at home."
  8. Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Emi Gal"
  9. Emi Gal was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
  10. As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Emi Gal."
  11. Emi Gal's family wraps his holiday presents in lead, so he can't see what's in them.
  12. Crop circles are Emi Gal's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
  13. Emi Gal's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Emi Gal.
  14. Everybody loves Raymond. Except Emi Gal.
  15. Emi Gal's blood type is WD-40.
  16. Along with his black belt, Emi Gal often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.
  17. Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Emi Gal is on.
  18. Google won't search for Emi Gal because it knows you don't find Emi Gal, he finds you.
  19. Every time someone uses the word "intense", Emi Gal always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
  20. Emi Gal and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing their underwear on the outside of their pants.
  21. Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Emi Gal to go around.
  22. For undercover police work, Emi Gal pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.
  23. For Emi Gal, every street is "one way". His way.
  24. If at first you don't succeed, you must not be Emi Gal.
  25. If Emi Gal wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.
  26. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Emi Gal.
  27. A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Emi Gal, 3. Cancer
  28. If you Google search "Emi Gal getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
  29. Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Emi Gal will beat his ass and take it.
  30. If you work in an office with Emi Gal, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.
  31. He who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Emi Gal … dies.
  32. After taking a steroids test doctors informed Emi Gal that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"
  33. Before sliced bread was invented, people used to say "Thats the greatest thing since Emi Gal".
  34. If you ask Emi Gal what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
  35. Emi Gal became a vegetarian not because he loves animals, but because he hates plants.
  36. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Emi Gal could use to kill you, including the room itself.
  37. Emi Gal always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.
  38. If you spell Emi Gal in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
  39. If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Emi Gal would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
  40. Emi Gal can speak braille.
  41. In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Emi Gal was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.
  42. Emi Gal can tie his shoes with his feet.
  43. It takes 14 puppeteers to make Emi Gal smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
  44. Little known medical fact: Emi Gal invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
  45. Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Emi Gal needs toothpicks.
  46. Most people fear the Reaper. Emi Gal considers him "a promising Rookie".
  47. In the Words of Julius Caesar, "Veni, Vidi, Vici, Emi Gal". Translation: I came, I saw, and I was roundhouse-kicked in the face by Emi Gal.
  48. Emi Gal can predict the shuffle on his iPod.
  49. Emi Gal can kill two stones with one bird.
  50. Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Emi Gal.
  51. Love does hurts. But not as much as Emi Gal.
  52. Emi Gal does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Emi Gal goes killing.
  53. Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Emi Gal is looking for it.
  54. Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Emi Gal jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
  55. Most people know that Descarte said, "I think, therefore I am." What most people don't know is that that quote continues, "...afraid of Emi Gal."
  56. Once a cobra bit Emi Gal's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
  57. Only Emi Gal can prevent forest fires.
  58. Emi Gal died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell .
  59. Emi Gal can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
  60. Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Emi Gal beats all 3 at the same time.
  61. Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Emi Gal roundhouse kick.
  62. People have often asked the United States, What is your secret weapon against terrorists? We simply reply... Emi Gal
  63. On a high school math test, Emi Gal put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Emi Gal solves all his problems with Violence.
  64. Emi Gal can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.
  65. Emi Gal counted to infinity - twice.
  66. Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Emi Gal bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
  67. Emi Gal doesn't have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.
  68. Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Emi Gal fight.
  69. Emi Gal does not believe that there are 50 states, only 2, because where ever he goes becomes a State of Emergency and whenever he leaves, he leaves a State of Destruction
  70. People created the automobile to escape from Emi Gal...Not to be outdone, Emi Gal created the automobile accident.
  71. Police label anyone attacking Emi Gal as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
  72. Emi Gal is the only person in the world who can actually give 110%.
  73. Simply by pulling on both ends, Emi Gal can stretch diamonds back into coal.
  74. Emi Gal sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with his eyes open, and he looks pissed off.
  75. Staring at Emi Gal for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face.
  76. The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Emi Gal come off without a hitch.
  77. Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Emi Gal likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
  78. The chief export of Emi Gal is Pain.
  79. Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Emi Gal asks for a body bag.
  80. Emi Gal is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.
  81. Emi Gal irons his clothes while he's wearing them.
  82. The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Emi Gal.
  83. The Bible was originally titled "Emi Gal and Friends"
  84. Circles exist because Emi Gal beat the crap out of some squares.
  85. The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Emi Gal didn't kill you in your sleep.
  86. The easiest way to determine Emi Gal's age is to cut him in half and count the rings. Unfortunately, nothing can cut through Emi Gal.
  87. The crossing lights in Emi Gal's home town say "Die slowly" and "die quickly". They each have a picture of Emi Gal punching or kicking a pedestrian.
  88. The last man who made eye contact with Emi Gal was Ray Charles.
  89. The only sure things are Death and Taxes… and when Emi Gal goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
  90. Emi Gal was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
  91. Emi Gal has beat the crap out of so many people over his brilliant life that most medical journals now classify him as a laxative.
  92. The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Emi Gal played in second grade.
  93. The end result of the game "Clue" is always the same: Emi Gal was the murderer, it was in the orphanage, and the weapon was a hamster.
  94. The pen is mighter than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Emi Gal.
  95. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Emi Gal has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
  96. Emi Gal invented the hammer when he was tired of using his forehead to slam nails into wood.
  97. Emi Gal was born with the right to party. Unlike the rest of us, who have to fight for it.
  98. The only time Emi Gal was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
  99. Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Emi Gal while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
  100. The square root of Emi Gal is pain. Do not try to square Emi Gal, the result is death.

This article was brought to you by 100factsabout.com and LoopyTube.com.
Please Note: This page is intended purely as humor and plays off of quotes from many anonymous internet sources who originally stated the jokes in reference to celebrities such as Chuck Norris.