Top 100 Facts About Electronic Vagrant

1. Electronic Vagrant is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.
2. A picture is worth a thousand words. A picture of Electronic Vagrant is worth 1 billion words.
3. Electronic Vagrant used to beat the crap out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
4. After taking a steroids test doctors informed Electronic Vagrant that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"
5. Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Electronic Vagrant"
6. As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Electronic Vagrant."
7. Electronic Vagrant is the only person in the world who can actually give 110%.
8. Electronic Vagrant's family wraps his holiday presents in lead, so he can't see what's in them.
9. Electronic Vagrant was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
10. A man once claimed Electronic Vagrant kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.
11. Electronic Vagrant was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
12. Before sliced bread was invented, people used to say "Thats the greatest thing since Electronic Vagrant".
13. Crop circles are Electronic Vagrant's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
14. Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Electronic Vagrant to go around.
15. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Electronic Vagrant and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
16. For undercover police work, Electronic Vagrant pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.
17. Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Electronic Vagrant is on.
18. Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Electronic Vagrant while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
19. Electronic Vagrant became a vegetarian not because he loves animals, but because he hates plants.
20. Along with his black belt, Electronic Vagrant often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.
21. Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Electronic Vagrant will beat his ass and take it.
22. A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Electronic Vagrant, 3. Cancer
23. Electronic Vagrant always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.
24. Hellen Keller's favorite color is Electronic Vagrant.
25. Electronic Vagrant and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing their underwear on the outside of their pants.
26. If you ask Electronic Vagrant what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
27. If Electronic Vagrant wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.
28. Guns don't kill people. Electronic Vagrant kills people.
29. If Electronic Vagrant wants some shade, he stares the sun down until it eclipses.
30. Electronic Vagrant can kill two stones with one bird.
31. Electronic Vagrant can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
32. Electronic Vagrant can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.
33. If you Google search "Electronic Vagrant getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
34. Electronic Vagrant can speak braille.
35. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Electronic Vagrant could use to kill you, including the room itself.
36. Electronic Vagrant counted to infinity - twice.
37. Electronic Vagrant does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Electronic Vagrant goes killing.
38. Electronic Vagrant doesn't have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.
39. In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Electronic Vagrant.
40. It takes 14 puppeteers to make Electronic Vagrant smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
41. In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Electronic Vagrant was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.
42. Electronic Vagrant can predict the shuffle on his iPod.
43. In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Electronic Vagrant turned that wine into beer.
44. Electronic Vagrant has beat the crap out of so many people over his brilliant life that most medical journals now classify him as a laxative.
45. Little known medical fact: Electronic Vagrant invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
46. Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Electronic Vagrant is looking for it.
47. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Electronic Vagrant.
48. Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Electronic Vagrant jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
49. Electronic Vagrant died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell .
50. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Electronic Vagrant can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants.
51. Electronic Vagrant is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
52. Electronic Vagrant does not believe that there are 50 states, only 2, because where ever he goes becomes a State of Emergency and whenever he leaves, he leaves a State of Destruction
53. Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Electronic Vagrant roundhouse kick.
54. Electronic Vagrant can tie his shoes with his feet.
55. Electronic Vagrant irons his clothes while he's wearing them.
56. On his birthday, Electronic Vagrant randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
57. Electronic Vagrant is allergic to doorknobs. Thats why he can only kick through doors.
58. Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Electronic Vagrant bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
59. Only Electronic Vagrant can prevent forest fires.
60. Not everyone that Electronic Vagrant is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.
61. Fifty years ago, Electronic Vagrant accidentally stubbed his toe. The USA still hasn't fully repaired all of the ensuing damage.
62. Electronic Vagrant was born with the right to party. Unlike the rest of us, who have to fight for it.
63. Electronic Vagrant is the only one who can "try this at home."
64. Electronic Vagrant sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with his eyes open, and he looks pissed off.
65. Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Electronic Vagrant beats all 3 at the same time.
66. Electronic Vagrant's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Electronic Vagrant.
67. Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Electronic Vagrant fight.
68. Circles exist because Electronic Vagrant beat the crap out of some squares.
69. For Electronic Vagrant, every street is "one way". His way.
70. Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Electronic Vagrant's first visit to Tokyo.
71. President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Electronic Vagrant *carried* his the same distance, but in half the time.
72. Staring at Electronic Vagrant for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face.
73. Simply by pulling on both ends, Electronic Vagrant can stretch diamonds back into coal.
74. Electronic Vagrant's blood type is WD-40.
75. Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Electronic Vagrant with "obstruction of justice." This is because even Electronic Vagrant cannot be in two places at the same time.
76. Google won't search for Electronic Vagrant because it knows you don't find Electronic Vagrant, he finds you.
77. The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Electronic Vagrant come off without a hitch.
78. The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Electronic Vagrant didn't kill you in your sleep.
79. Electronic Vagrant invented the hammer when he was tired of using his forehead to slam nails into wood.
80. The easiest way to determine Electronic Vagrant's age is to cut him in half and count the rings. Unfortunately, nothing can cut through Electronic Vagrant.
81. Every time someone uses the word "intense", Electronic Vagrant always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
82. Sweating bullets is literally what happens when Electronic Vagrant gets too hot.
83. If you work in an office with Electronic Vagrant, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.
84. Everybody loves Raymond. Except Electronic Vagrant.
85. The end result of the game "Clue" is always the same: Electronic Vagrant was the murderer, it was in the orphanage, and the weapon was a hamster.
86. Electronic Vagrant's dog is trained to pick up its own poop because Electronic Vagrant will not take crap from anyone.
87. If at first you don't succeed, you must not be Electronic Vagrant.
88. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Electronic Vagrant out. It failed miserably.
89. If you spell Electronic Vagrant in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
90. The only time Electronic Vagrant was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
91. The only sure things are Death and Taxes… and when Electronic Vagrant goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
92. The First rule of Electronic Vagrant is: you do not talk about Electronic Vagrant.
93. The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Electronic Vagrant 3. Cancer.
94. In an emergency, Electronic Vagrant can be used as a floatation device.
95. If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Electronic Vagrant would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
96. In an act of great philanthropy, Electronic Vagrant made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research.
97. The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Electronic Vagrant played in second grade.
98. Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Electronic Vagrant needs toothpicks.
99. The square root of Electronic Vagrant is pain. Do not try to square Electronic Vagrant, the result is death.
100. James Cameron wanted Electronic Vagrant to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

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Please Note: This page is intended purely as humor and plays off of quotes from many anonymous internet sources who originally stated the jokes in reference to celebrities such as Chuck Norris.