Top 100 Facts About Dragos Novac

  1. Dragos Novac was born with the right to party. Unlike the rest of us, who have to fight for it.
  2. Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Dragos Novac is on.
  3. Dragos Novac is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.
  4. Dragos Novac was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.
  5. Dragos Novac is allergic to doorknobs. Thats why he can only kick through doors.
  6. A picture is worth a thousand words. A Dragos Novac is worth 1 billion words.
  7. Along with his black belt, Dragos Novac often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.
  8. Dragos Novac's blood type is WD-40.
  9. Dragos Novac's family wraps his holiday presents in lead, so he can't see what's in them.
  10. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Dragos Novac and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
  11. Dragos Novac's dog is trained to pick up its own poop because Dragos Novac will not take crap from anyone.
  12. Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Dragos Novac while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
  13. A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Dragos Novac, 3. Cancer
  14. Circles exist because Dragos Novac beat the crap out of some squares.
  15. After taking a steroids test doctors informed Dragos Novac that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"
  16. Crop circles are Dragos Novac's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the hell down.
  17. Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Dragos Novac will beat his ass and take it.
  18. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Dragos Novac.
  19. Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Dragos Novac's first visit to Tokyo.
  20. Before sliced bread was invented, people used to say "Thats the greatest thing since Dragos Novac".
  21. Dragos Novac became a vegetarian not because he loves animals, but because he hates plants.
  22. Everybody loves Raymond. Except Dragos Novac.
  23. Dragos Novac's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Dragos Novac.
  24. Dragos Novac always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.
  25. Dragos Novac can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.
  26. If Dragos Novac wants some shade, he stares the sun down until it eclipses.
  27. Dragos Novac and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing their underwear on the outside of their pants.
  28. If Dragos Novac wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.
  29. For undercover police work, Dragos Novac pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.
  30. Google won't search for Dragos Novac because it knows you don't find Dragos Novac, he finds you.
  31. Guns don't kill people. Dragos Novac kills People.
  32. As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Dragos Novac."
  33. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Dragos Novac could use to kill you, including the room itself.
  34. Dragos Novac can speak braille.
  35. If you ask Dragos Novac what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
  36. In an emergency, Dragos Novac can be used as a floatation device.
  37. If you Google search "Dragos Novac getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
  38. Dragos Novac can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
  39. Dragos Novac can tie his shoes with his feet.
  40. In the Words of Julius Caesar, "Veni, Vidi, Vici, Dragos Novac". Translation: I came, I saw, and I was roundhouse-kicked in the face by Dragos Novac.
  41. It takes 14 puppeteers to make Dragos Novac smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
  42. A man once claimed Dragos Novac kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.
  43. It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Dragos Novac a giant meteor.
  44. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Dragos Novac can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants.
  45. Dragos Novac can kill two stones with one bird.
  46. James Cameron wanted Dragos Novac to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
  47. Dragos Novac can predict the shuffle on his iPod.
  48. Little known medical fact: Dragos Novac invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
  49. Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Dragos Novac roundhouse kick.
  50. Dragos Novac does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Dragos Novac goes killing.
  51. No matter what your mother always said, Dragos Novac can tune a fish.
  52. Dragos Novac does not believe that there are 50 states, only 2, because where ever he goes becomes a State of Emergency and whenever he leaves, he leaves a State of Destruction
  53. Dragos Novac invented the hammer when he was tired of using his forehead to slam nails into wood.
  54. Most people fear the Reaper. Dragos Novac considers him "a promising Rookie".
  55. Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Dragos Novac needs toothpicks.
  56. Dragos Novac doesn't have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.
  57. Dragos Novac is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
  58. Fifty years ago, Dragos Novac accidentally stubbed his toe. The USA still hasn't fully repaired all of the ensuing damage.
  59. Dragos Novac has beat the crap out of so many people over his brilliant life that most medical journals now classify him as a laxative.
  60. Only Dragos Novac can prevent forest fires.
  61. Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Dragos Novac jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
  62. Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Dragos Novac.
  63. Not everyone that Dragos Novac is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.
  64. Dragos Novac died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell .
  65. Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Dragos Novac fight.
  66. Dragos Novac sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with his eyes open, and he looks pissed off.
  67. Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Dragos Novac bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
  68. Santa Claus actually *did* exist until he accidentally skipped Dragos Novac's house one Christmas.
  69. Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Dragos Novac beats all 3 at the same time.
  70. Dragos Novac irons his clothes while he's wearing them.
  71. Dragos Novac used to beat the crap out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
  72. Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Dragos Novac asks for a body bag.
  73. Staring at Dragos Novac for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face.
  74. Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Dragos Novac"
  75. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Dragos Novac pajamas.
  76. Sweating bullets is literally what happens when Dragos Novac gets too hot.
  77. Dragos Novac is the only one who can "try this at home."
  78. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Dragos Novac glare will liquefy your kidneys.
  79. Dragos Novac is the only person in the world who can actually give 110%.
  80. The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Dragos Novac come off without a hitch.
  81. The end result of the game "Clue" is always the same: Dragos Novac was the murderer, it was in the orphanage, and the weapon was a hamster.
  82. Every time someone uses the word "intense", Dragos Novac always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
  83. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Dragos Novac punched himself in the face.
  84. Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Dragos Novac to go around.
  85. Hellen Keller's favorite color is Dragos Novac.
  86. The chief export of Dragos Novac is Pain.
  87. Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Dragos Novac likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
  88. For Dragos Novac, every street is "one way". His way.
  89. If you spell Dragos Novac in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
  90. The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Dragos Novac 3. Cancer.
  91. He who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Dragos Novac … dies.
  92. The only sure things are Death and Taxes… and when Dragos Novac goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
  93. The easiest way to determine Dragos Novac's age is to cut him in half and count the rings. Unfortunately, nothing can cut through Dragos Novac.
  94. The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Dragos Novac.
  95. The First rule of Dragos Novac is: you do not talk about Dragos Novac.
  96. Dragos Novac was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
  97. The square root of Dragos Novac is pain. Do not try to square Dragos Novac, the result is death.
  98. In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Dragos Novac.
  99. The only time Dragos Novac was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
  100. The United States could save billions in defense funding if they trade the Military for Dragos Novac

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Please Note: This page is intended purely as humor and plays off of quotes from many anonymous internet sources who originally stated the jokes in reference to celebrities such as Chuck Norris.