Top 100 Facts About Dragos Novac

  1. Dragos Novac was born with the right to party. Unlike the rest of us, who have to fight for it.
  2. Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Dragos Novac is on.
  3. Dragos Novac is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.
  4. Dragos Novac was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
  5. Dragos Novac is allergic to doorknobs. Thats why he can only kick through doors.
  6. A picture is worth a thousand words. A picture of Dragos Novac is worth 1 billion words.
  7. Along with his black belt, Dragos Novac often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.
  8. Dragos Novac's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Dragos Novac.
  9. Circles exist because Dragos Novac beat the crap out of some squares.
  10. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Dragos Novac and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
  11. Dragos Novac's family wraps his holiday presents in lead, so he can't see what's in them.
  12. Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Dragos Novac to go around.
  13. A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Dragos Novac, 3. Cancer
  14. Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Dragos Novac while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
  15. After taking a steroids test doctors informed Dragos Novac that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"
  16. Every time someone uses the word "intense", Dragos Novac always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
  17. Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Dragos Novac's first visit to Tokyo.
  18. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Dragos Novac.
  19. Google won't search for Dragos Novac because it knows you don't find Dragos Novac, he finds you.
  20. Before sliced bread was invented, people used to say "Thats the greatest thing since Dragos Novac".
  21. Dragos Novac became a vegetarian not because he loves animals, but because he hates plants.
  22. For Dragos Novac, every street is "one way". His way.
  23. Dragos Novac's dog is trained to pick up its own poop because Dragos Novac will not take crap from anyone.
  24. Dragos Novac always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.
  25. Dragos Novac can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.
  26. If Dragos Novac wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.
  27. Dragos Novac and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing their underwear on the outside of their pants.
  28. If you ask Dragos Novac what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
  29. Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Dragos Novac will beat his ass and take it.
  30. Guns don't kill people. Dragos Novac kills people.
  31. He who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Dragos Novac … dies.
  32. As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Dragos Novac."
  33. In an emergency, Dragos Novac can be used as a floatation device.
  34. Dragos Novac can speak braille.
  35. If you Google search "Dragos Novac getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
  36. In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Dragos Novac turned that wine into beer.
  37. If you spell Dragos Novac in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
  38. Dragos Novac can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
  39. Dragos Novac can tie his shoes with his feet.
  40. Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Dragos Novac needs toothpicks.
  41. James Cameron wanted Dragos Novac to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
  42. A man once claimed Dragos Novac kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.
  43. It takes 14 puppeteers to make Dragos Novac smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
  44. Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Dragos Novac is looking for it.
  45. Dragos Novac can kill two stones with one bird.
  46. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Dragos Novac can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants.
  47. Dragos Novac can predict the shuffle on his iPod.
  48. Love does hurts. But not as much as Dragos Novac.
  49. No matter what your mother always said, Dragos Novac can tune a fish.
  50. Dragos Novac does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Dragos Novac goes killing.
  51. Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Dragos Novac.
  52. Dragos Novac does not believe that there are 50 states, only 2, because where ever he goes becomes a State of Emergency and whenever he leaves, he leaves a State of Destruction
  53. Dragos Novac invented the hammer when he was tired of using his forehead to slam nails into wood.
  54. Most people know that Descarte said, "I think, therefore I am." What most people don't know is that that quote continues, "...afraid of Dragos Novac."
  55. It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Dragos Novac a giant meteor.
  56. Dragos Novac doesn't have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.
  57. Dragos Novac is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
  58. Only Dragos Novac can prevent forest fires.
  59. Dragos Novac has beat the crap out of so many people over his brilliant life that most medical journals now classify him as a laxative.
  60. Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Dragos Novac bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
  61. Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Dragos Novac roundhouse kick.
  62. Not everyone that Dragos Novac is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.
  63. On a high school math test, Dragos Novac put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Dragos Novac solves all his problems with Violence.
  64. Dragos Novac died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell .
  65. Santa Claus actually *did* exist until he accidentally skipped Dragos Novac's house one Christmas.
  66. Dragos Novac sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with his eyes open, and he looks pissed off.
  67. Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Dragos Novac beats all 3 at the same time.
  68. Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Dragos Novac with "obstruction of justice." This is because even Dragos Novac cannot be in two places at the same time.
  69. People created the automobile to escape from Dragos Novac...Not to be outdone, Dragos Novac created the automobile accident.
  70. Dragos Novac irons his clothes while he's wearing them.
  71. Dragos Novac used to beat the crap out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
  72. Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Dragos Novac likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
  73. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Dragos Novac glare will liquefy your kidneys.
  74. Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Dragos Novac"
  75. Staring at Dragos Novac for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face.
  76. The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Dragos Novac didn't kill you in your sleep.
  77. Dragos Novac is the only one who can "try this at home."
  78. Sweating bullets is literally what happens when Dragos Novac gets too hot.
  79. Dragos Novac is the only person in the world who can actually give 110%.
  80. The Bible was originally titled "Dragos Novac and Friends"
  81. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Dragos Novac punched himself in the face.
  82. Everybody loves Raymond. Except Dragos Novac.
  83. The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Dragos Novac.
  84. Crop circles are Dragos Novac's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
  85. If at first you don't succeed, you must not be Dragos Novac.
  86. The crossing lights in Dragos Novac's home town say "Die slowly" and "die quickly". They each have a picture of Dragos Novac punching or kicking a pedestrian.
  87. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Dragos Novac pajamas.
  88. For undercover police work, Dragos Novac pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.
  89. If you work in an office with Dragos Novac, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.
  90. The only sure things are Death and Taxes… and when Dragos Novac goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
  91. Hellen Keller's favorite color is Dragos Novac.
  92. The only time Dragos Novac was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
  93. The end result of the game "Clue" is always the same: Dragos Novac was the murderer, it was in the orphanage, and the weapon was a hamster.
  94. The First rule of Dragos Novac is: you do not talk about Dragos Novac.
  95. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Dragos Novac has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
  96. Dragos Novac's blood type is WD-40.
  97. The United States could save billions in defense funding if they trade the Military for Dragos Novac
  98. In an act of great philanthropy, Dragos Novac made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research.
  99. The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Dragos Novac played in second grade.
  100. The United States Federal Reserve Bank decided that Dragos Novac's basement was a much safer place for their gold than Fort Knox.

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Please Note: This page is intended purely as humor and plays off of quotes from many anonymous internet sources who originally stated the jokes in reference to celebrities such as Chuck Norris.