Top 100 Facts About Diana Vasilescu

  1. Diana Vasilescu used to beat the crap out of her shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind her.
  2. Diana Vasilescu is the only person in the world who can actually give 110%.
  3. A man once claimed Diana Vasilescu kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.
  4. A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Diana Vasilescu, 3. Cancer
  5. Diana Vasilescu's blood type is WD-40.
  6. Diana Vasilescu is the only one who can "try this at home."
  7. Diana Vasilescu was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.
  8. A picture is worth a thousand words. A Diana Vasilescu is worth 1 billion words.
  9. Diana Vasilescu is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for her left and right legs.
  10. Diana Vasilescu was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when she managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
  11. Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Diana Vasilescu"
  12. Circles exist because Diana Vasilescu beat the crap out of some squares.
  13. Along with her black belt, Diana Vasilescu often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call her on it. Ever.
  14. Diana Vasilescu's dog is trained to pick up its own poop because Diana Vasilescu will not take crap from anyone.
  15. Everybody loves Raymond. Except Diana Vasilescu.
  16. Before sliced bread was invented, people used to say "Thats the greatest thing since Diana Vasilescu".
  17. Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Diana Vasilescu will beat his ass and take it.
  18. Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Diana Vasilescu's first visit to Tokyo.
  19. As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Diana Vasilescu."
  20. Diana Vasilescu and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing their underwear on the outside of their pants.
  21. Diana Vasilescu's family wraps her holiday presents in lead, so she can't see what's in them.
  22. Guns don't kill people. Diana Vasilescu kills People.
  23. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Diana Vasilescu.
  24. Diana Vasilescu always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.
  25. Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Diana Vasilescu is on.
  26. Hellen Keller's favorite color is Diana Vasilescu.
  27. If you Google search "Diana Vasilescu getting her ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
  28. Google won't search for Diana Vasilescu because it knows you don't find Diana Vasilescu, she finds you.
  29. Diana Vasilescu can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.
  30. If at first you don't succeed, you must not be Diana Vasilescu.
  31. Diana Vasilescu can predict the shuffle on her iPod.
  32. In an act of great philanthropy, Diana Vasilescu made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. She donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research.
  33. In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Diana Vasilescu.
  34. If you work in an office with Diana Vasilescu, don't ask her for her three-hole-punch.
  35. After taking a steroids test doctors informed Diana Vasilescu that she had tested positive. She laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"
  36. Diana Vasilescu can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
  37. In the Words of Julius Caesar, "Veni, Vidi, Vici, Diana Vasilescu". Translation: I came, I saw, and I was roundhouse-kicked in the face by Diana Vasilescu.
  38. If you spell Diana Vasilescu in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
  39. In an emergency, Diana Vasilescu can be used as a floatation device.
  40. Diana Vasilescu became a vegetarian not because she loves animals, but because she hates plants.
  41. If you ask Diana Vasilescu what time it is, she always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" she roundhouse kicks you in the face.
  42. In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Diana Vasilescu was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.
  43. Diana Vasilescu counted to infinity - twice.
  44. James Cameron wanted Diana Vasilescu to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
  45. Diana Vasilescu can tie her shoes with her feet.
  46. It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Diana Vasilescu a giant meteor.
  47. Most people fear the Reaper. Diana Vasilescu considers him "a promising Rookie".
  48. Diana Vasilescu does not believe that there are 50 states, only 2, because where ever she goes becomes a State of Emergency and whenever she leaves, she leaves a State of Destruction
  49. Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Diana Vasilescu roundhouse kick.
  50. No matter what your mother always said, Diana Vasilescu can tune a fish.
  51. Diana Vasilescu died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell .
  52. Diana Vasilescu has beat the crap out of so many people over her brilliant life that most medical journals now classify her as a laxative.
  53. It takes 14 puppeteers to make Diana Vasilescu smile, but only 2 to make her destroy an orphanage.
  54. Not everyone that Diana Vasilescu is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.
  55. Diana Vasilescu does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Diana Vasilescu goes killing.
  56. Diana Vasilescu doesn't have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.
  57. Diana Vasilescu can speak braille.
  58. On her birthday, Diana Vasilescu randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
  59. Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Diana Vasilescu beats all 3 at the same time.
  60. Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Diana Vasilescu.
  61. Diana Vasilescu is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.
  62. Once a cobra bit Diana Vasilescu's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
  63. Diana Vasilescu sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with her eyes open, and she looks pissed off.
  64. Q: How many Diana Vasilescu's does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, Diana Vasilescu prefers to kill in the dark.
  65. President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Diana Vasilescu *carried* her the same distance, but in half the time.
  66. People have often asked the United States, What is your secret weapon against terrorists? We simply reply... Diana Vasilescu
  67. Diana Vasilescu can kill two stones with one bird.
  68. Diana Vasilescu irons her clothes while she's wearing them.
  69. Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Diana Vasilescu asks for a body bag.
  70. People created the automobile to escape from Diana Vasilescu...Not to be outdone, Diana Vasilescu created the automobile accident.
  71. Santa Claus actually *did* exist until he accidentally skipped Diana Vasilescu's house one Christmas.
  72. Diana Vasilescu invented the hammer when she was tired of using her forehead to slam nails into wood.
  73. Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Diana Vasilescu bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
  74. Simply by pulling on both ends, Diana Vasilescu can stretch diamonds back into coal.
  75. Diana Vasilescu's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Diana Vasilescu.
  76. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Diana Vasilescu glare will liquefy your kidneys.
  77. Diana Vasilescu was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
  78. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Diana Vasilescu pajamas.
  79. The chief export of Diana Vasilescu is Pain.
  80. Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Diana Vasilescu to go around.
  81. The end result of the game "Clue" is always the same: Diana Vasilescu was the murderer, it was in the orphanage, and the weapon was a hamster.
  82. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Diana Vasilescu punched herself in the face.
  83. Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Diana Vasilescu while she was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
  84. For Diana Vasilescu, every street is "one way". Her way.
  85. Staring at Diana Vasilescu for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face.
  86. The First rule of Diana Vasilescu is: you do not talk about Diana Vasilescu.
  87. Crop circles are Diana Vasilescu's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the hell down.
  88. Every time someone uses the word "intense", Diana Vasilescu always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
  89. Diana Vasilescu was born with the right to party. Unlike the rest of us, who have to fight for it.
  90. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Diana Vasilescu out. It failed miserably.
  91. The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Diana Vasilescu played in second grade.
  92. The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Diana Vasilescu.
  93. If Diana Vasilescu wants some shade, she stares the sun down until it eclipses.
  94. The last man who made eye contact with Diana Vasilescu was Ray Charles.
  95. If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Diana Vasilescu would ever fight herself, she'd win. Period.
  96. The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Diana Vasilescu. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
  97. The quickest way to a man's heart is with Diana Vasilescu's fist.
  98. The pen is mighter than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Diana Vasilescu.
  99. Diana Vasilescu is allergic to doorknobs. Thats why she can only kick through doors.
  100. He who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Diana Vasilescu … dies.

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Please Note: This page is intended purely as humor and plays off of quotes from many anonymous internet sources who originally stated the jokes in reference to celebrities such as Chuck Norris.