Top 100 Facts About Diana Vasilescu

  1. Diana Vasilescu used to beat the crap out of her shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
  2. Diana Vasilescu is the only person in the world who can actually give 110%.
  3. A man once claimed Diana Vasilescu kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.
  4. A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Diana Vasilescu, 3. Cancer
  5. Diana Vasilescu's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Diana Vasilescu.
  6. Diana Vasilescu is the only one who can "try this at home."
  7. Diana Vasilescu was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
  8. A picture is worth a thousand words. A picture of Diana Vasilescu is worth 1 billion words.
  9. Diana Vasilescu is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for her left and right legs.
  10. Diana Vasilescu's blood type is WD-40.
  11. Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Diana Vasilescu"
  12. Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Diana Vasilescu while she was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
  13. Along with her black belt, Diana Vasilescu often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call her on it. Ever.
  14. Diana Vasilescu's family wraps her holiday presents in lead, so she can't see what's in them.
  15. For Diana Vasilescu, every street is "one way". Her way.
  16. Before sliced bread was invented, people used to say "Thats the greatest thing since Diana Vasilescu".
  17. Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Diana Vasilescu's first visit to Tokyo.
  18. Google won't search for Diana Vasilescu because it knows you don't find Diana Vasilescu, she finds you.
  19. As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Diana Vasilescu."
  20. Diana Vasilescu and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing their underwear on the outside of their pants.
  21. Circles exist because Diana Vasilescu beat the crap out of some squares.
  22. He who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Diana Vasilescu … dies.
  23. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Diana Vasilescu.
  24. Diana Vasilescu always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.
  25. Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Diana Vasilescu is on.
  26. If at first you don't succeed, you must not be Diana Vasilescu.
  27. If you spell Diana Vasilescu in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
  28. Guns don't kill people. Diana Vasilescu kills people.
  29. Diana Vasilescu can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.
  30. If Diana Vasilescu wants some shade, she stares the sun down until it eclipses.
  31. Diana Vasilescu can predict the shuffle on her iPod.
  32. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Diana Vasilescu could use to kill you, including the room itself.
  33. In an act of great philanthropy, Diana Vasilescu made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. She donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research.
  34. If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Diana Vasilescu would ever fight herself, she'd win. Period.
  35. After taking a steroids test doctors informed Diana Vasilescu that she had tested positive. She laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"
  36. Diana Vasilescu can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
  37. Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Diana Vasilescu needs toothpicks.
  38. If you work in an office with Diana Vasilescu, don't ask her for her three-hole-punch.
  39. In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Diana Vasilescu turned that wine into beer.
  40. Diana Vasilescu became a vegetarian not because she loves animals, but because she hates plants.
  41. If you Google search "Diana Vasilescu getting her ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
  42. In the Words of Julius Caesar, "Veni, Vidi, Vici, Diana Vasilescu". Translation: I came, I saw, and I was roundhouse-kicked in the face by Diana Vasilescu.
  43. Diana Vasilescu counted to infinity - twice.
  44. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Diana Vasilescu can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell she wants.
  45. Diana Vasilescu can tie her shoes with her feet.
  46. It takes 14 puppeteers to make Diana Vasilescu smile, but only 2 to make her destroy an orphanage.
  47. Most people know that Descarte said, "I think, therefore I am." What most people don't know is that that quote continues, "...afraid of Diana Vasilescu."
  48. Diana Vasilescu does not believe that there are 50 states, only 2, because where ever she goes becomes a State of Emergency and whenever she leaves, she leaves a State of Destruction
  49. No matter what your mother always said, Diana Vasilescu can tune a fish.
  50. Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Diana Vasilescu.
  51. Diana Vasilescu died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell .
  52. Diana Vasilescu has beat the crap out of so many people over her brilliant life that most medical journals now classify her as a laxative.
  53. James Cameron wanted Diana Vasilescu to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
  54. On a high school math test, Diana Vasilescu put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. She got an A+ on the test because Diana Vasilescu solves all her problems with Violence.
  55. Diana Vasilescu does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Diana Vasilescu goes killing.
  56. Diana Vasilescu doesn't have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.
  57. Diana Vasilescu can speak braille.
  58. Once a cobra bit Diana Vasilescu's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
  59. People created the automobile to escape from Diana Vasilescu...Not to be outdone, Diana Vasilescu created the automobile accident.
  60. Not everyone that Diana Vasilescu is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.
  61. Diana Vasilescu is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.
  62. Fifty years ago, Diana Vasilescu accidentally stubbed her toe. The USA still hasn't fully repaired all of the ensuing damage.
  63. Diana Vasilescu sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with her eyes open, and she looks pissed off.
  64. Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Diana Vasilescu fight.
  65. Q: How many Diana Vasilescu's does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, Diana Vasilescu prefers to kill in the dark.
  66. Police label anyone attacking Diana Vasilescu as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
  67. Diana Vasilescu can kill two stones with one bird.
  68. Diana Vasilescu irons her clothes while she's wearing them.
  69. Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Diana Vasilescu likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
  70. People have often asked the United States, What is your secret weapon against terrorists? We simply reply... Diana Vasilescu
  71. Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Diana Vasilescu with "obstruction of justice." This is because even Diana Vasilescu cannot be in two places at the same time.
  72. Diana Vasilescu invented the hammer when she was tired of using her forehead to slam nails into wood.
  73. Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Diana Vasilescu beats all 3 at the same time.
  74. Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Diana Vasilescu asks for a body bag.
  75. Diana Vasilescu's dog is trained to pick up its own poop because Diana Vasilescu will not take crap from anyone.
  76. Sweating bullets is literally what happens when Diana Vasilescu gets too hot.
  77. Diana Vasilescu was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when she managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
  78. Staring at Diana Vasilescu for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face.
  79. The crossing lights in Diana Vasilescu's home town say "Die slowly" and "die quickly". They each have a picture of Diana Vasilescu punching or kicking a pedestrian.
  80. Crop circles are Diana Vasilescu's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
  81. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Diana Vasilescu punched herself in the face.
  82. The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Diana Vasilescu.
  83. Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Diana Vasilescu to go around.
  84. For undercover police work, Diana Vasilescu pins her badge underneath her shirt, directly into her chest.
  85. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Diana Vasilescu glare will liquefy your kidneys.
  86. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Diana Vasilescu has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
  87. Every time someone uses the word "intense", Diana Vasilescu always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
  88. Everybody loves Raymond. Except Diana Vasilescu.
  89. Diana Vasilescu was born with the right to party. Unlike the rest of us, who have to fight for it.
  90. The last man who made eye contact with Diana Vasilescu was Ray Charles.
  91. The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Diana Vasilescu. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
  92. The First rule of Diana Vasilescu is: you do not talk about Diana Vasilescu.
  93. If Diana Vasilescu wants your opinion, she'll beat it into you.
  94. The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Diana Vasilescu 3. Cancer.
  95. In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Diana Vasilescu.
  96. The square root of Diana Vasilescu is pain. Do not try to square Diana Vasilescu, the result is death.
  97. The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Diana Vasilescu. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
  98. The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Diana Vasilescu in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
  99. Diana Vasilescu is allergic to doorknobs. Thats why she can only kick through doors.
  100. Hellen Keller's favorite color is Diana Vasilescu.

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Please Note: This page is intended purely as humor and plays off of quotes from many anonymous internet sources who originally stated the jokes in reference to celebrities such as Chuck Norris.