Top 100 Facts About Bryce Tully

  1. Bryce Tully is the only person in the world who can actually give 110%.
  2. Bryce Tully is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
  3. After taking a steroids test doctors informed Bryce Tully that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"
  4. Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Bryce Tully is on.
  5. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Bryce Tully and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
  6. A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Bryce Tully, 3. Cancer
  7. Bryce Tully was born with the right to party. Unlike the rest of us, who have to fight for it.
  8. Bryce Tully was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
  9. A man once claimed Bryce Tully kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.
  10. Circles exist because Bryce Tully beat the crap out of some squares.
  11. Bryce Tully's family wraps his holiday presents in lead, so he can't see what's in them.
  12. Bryce Tully's blood type is WD-40.
  13. Crop circles are Bryce Tully's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
  14. Everybody loves Raymond. Except Bryce Tully.
  15. Bryce Tully sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with his eyes open, and he looks pissed off.
  16. Bryce Tully was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
  17. Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Bryce Tully will beat his ass and take it.
  18. Along with his black belt, Bryce Tully often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.
  19. Bryce Tully's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Bryce Tully.
  20. Before sliced bread was invented, people used to say "Thats the greatest thing since Bryce Tully".
  21. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Bryce Tully.
  22. If at first you don't succeed, you must not be Bryce Tully.
  23. A picture is worth a thousand words. A picture of Bryce Tully is worth 1 billion words.
  24. Bryce Tully always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.
  25. Bryce Tully became a vegetarian not because he loves animals, but because he hates plants.
  26. Hellen Keller's favorite color is Bryce Tully.
  27. Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Bryce Tully"
  28. If you work in an office with Bryce Tully, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.
  29. Bryce Tully can predict the shuffle on his iPod.
  30. Google won't search for Bryce Tully because it knows you don't find Bryce Tully, he finds you.
  31. Bryce Tully and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing their underwear on the outside of their pants.
  32. Bryce Tully can tie his shoes with his feet.
  33. In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Bryce Tully.
  34. If you spell Bryce Tully in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
  35. Bryce Tully can speak braille.
  36. Bryce Tully counted to infinity - twice.
  37. As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Bryce Tully."
  38. Bryce Tully can kill two stones with one bird.
  39. In an emergency, Bryce Tully can be used as a floatation device.
  40. In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Bryce Tully was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.
  41. Bryce Tully can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
  42. James Cameron wanted Bryce Tully to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
  43. It takes 14 puppeteers to make Bryce Tully smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
  44. In the Words of Julius Caesar, "Veni, Vidi, Vici, Bryce Tully". Translation: I came, I saw, and I was roundhouse-kicked in the face by Bryce Tully.
  45. Little known medical fact: Bryce Tully invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
  46. Most people fear the Reaper. Bryce Tully considers him "a promising Rookie".
  47. In an act of great philanthropy, Bryce Tully made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research.
  48. In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Bryce Tully turned that wine into beer.
  49. Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Bryce Tully roundhouse kick.
  50. Bryce Tully died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell .
  51. Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Bryce Tully needs toothpicks.
  52. Bryce Tully doesn't have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.
  53. Bryce Tully has beat the crap out of so many people over his brilliant life that most medical journals now classify him as a laxative.
  54. Once a cobra bit Bryce Tully's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
  55. Bryce Tully can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.
  56. Bryce Tully invented the hammer when he was tired of using his forehead to slam nails into wood.
  57. Bryce Tully is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.
  58. On his birthday, Bryce Tully randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
  59. Bryce Tully does not believe that there are 50 states, only 2, because where ever he goes becomes a State of Emergency and whenever he leaves, he leaves a State of Destruction
  60. People have often asked the United States, What is your secret weapon against terrorists? We simply reply... Bryce Tully
  61. Bryce Tully's dog is trained to pick up its own poop because Bryce Tully will not take crap from anyone.
  62. Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Bryce Tully.
  63. Bryce Tully irons his clothes while he's wearing them.
  64. Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Bryce Tully to go around.
  65. President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Bryce Tully *carried* his the same distance, but in half the time.
  66. People created the automobile to escape from Bryce Tully...Not to be outdone, Bryce Tully created the automobile accident.
  67. Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Bryce Tully while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
  68. Every time someone uses the word "intense", Bryce Tully always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
  69. Bryce Tully does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Bryce Tully goes killing.
  70. Bryce Tully used to beat the crap out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
  71. Santa Claus actually *did* exist until he accidentally skipped Bryce Tully's house one Christmas.
  72. Simply by pulling on both ends, Bryce Tully can stretch diamonds back into coal.
  73. Bryce Tully is allergic to doorknobs. Thats why he can only kick through doors.
  74. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Bryce Tully glare will liquefy your kidneys.
  75. Staring at Bryce Tully for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face.
  76. Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Bryce Tully asks for a body bag.
  77. The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Bryce Tully come off without a hitch.
  78. The chief export of Bryce Tully is Pain.
  79. Q: How many Bryce Tully's does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, Bryce Tully prefers to kill in the dark.
  80. Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Bryce Tully with "obstruction of justice." This is because even Bryce Tully cannot be in two places at the same time.
  81. The end result of the game "Clue" is always the same: Bryce Tully was the murderer, it was in the orphanage, and the weapon was a hamster.
  82. For Bryce Tully, every street is "one way". His way.
  83. Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Bryce Tully likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
  84. Guns don't kill people. Bryce Tully kills people.
  85. He who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Bryce Tully … dies.
  86. The last man who made eye contact with Bryce Tully was Ray Charles.
  87. Bryce Tully is the only one who can "try this at home."
  88. If Bryce Tully wants some shade, he stares the sun down until it eclipses.
  89. If you ask Bryce Tully what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
  90. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Bryce Tully out. It failed miserably.
  91. For undercover police work, Bryce Tully pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.
  92. The pen is mighter than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Bryce Tully.
  93. It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Bryce Tully a giant meteor.
  94. The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Bryce Tully.
  95. If Bryce Tully wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.
  96. Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Bryce Tully is looking for it.
  97. The quickest way to a man's heart is with Bryce Tully's fist.
  98. The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Bryce Tully. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
  99. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Bryce Tully can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants.
  100. Love does hurt. But not as much as Bryce Tully.

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Please Note: This page is intended purely as humor and plays off of quotes from many anonymous internet sources who originally stated the jokes in reference to celebrities such as Chuck Norris.