Top 100 Facts About Bogdan

1. A picture is worth a thousand words. A picture of Bogdan is worth 1 billion words.
2. After taking a steroids test doctors informed Bogdan that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"
3. Bogdan used to beat the crap out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
4. Bogdan is the only one who can "try this at home."
5. A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Bogdan, 3. Cancer
6. Bogdan is the only person in the world who can actually give 110%.
7. Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Bogdan is on.
8. Bogdan's blood type is WD-40.
9. Bogdan's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Bogdan.
10. Bogdan was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
11. Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Bogdan"
12. Along with his black belt, Bogdan often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.
13. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Bogdan and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
14. Bogdan always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.
15. For undercover police work, Bogdan pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.
16. Everybody loves Raymond. Except Bogdan.
17. Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Bogdan will beat his ass and take it.
18. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Bogdan.
19. Before sliced bread was invented, people used to say "Thats the greatest thing since Bogdan".
20. Guns don't kill people. Bogdan kills people.
21. Hellen Keller's favorite color is Bogdan.
22. For Bogdan, every street is "one way". His way.
23. Google won't search for Bogdan because it knows you don't find Bogdan, he finds you.
24. Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Bogdan to go around.
25. If you ask Bogdan what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
26. Bogdan became a vegetarian not because he loves animals, but because he hates plants.
27. Crop circles are Bogdan's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
28. Bogdan and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing their underwear on the outside of their pants.
29. If you Google search "Bogdan getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
30. Every time someone uses the word "intense", Bogdan always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
31. If Bogdan wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.
32. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Bogdan could use to kill you, including the room itself.
33. Bogdan can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
34. Bogdan can kill two stones with one bird.
35. In an act of great philanthropy, Bogdan made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research.
36. If you work in an office with Bogdan, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.
37. Bogdan can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.
38. If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Bogdan would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
39. Bogdan can predict the shuffle on his iPod.
40. In the Words of Julius Caesar, "Veni, Vidi, Vici, Bogdan". Translation: I came, I saw, and I was roundhouse-kicked in the face by Bogdan.
41. Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Bogdan needs toothpicks.
42. In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Bogdan turned that wine into beer.
43. Bogdan can tie his shoes with his feet.
44. Bogdan can speak braille.
45. A man once claimed Bogdan kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.
46. Bogdan does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Bogdan goes killing.
47. Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Bogdan jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
48. Most people fear the Reaper. Bogdan considers him "a promising Rookie".
49. Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Bogdan roundhouse kick.
50. Bogdan does not believe that there are 50 states, only 2, because where ever he goes becomes a State of Emergency and whenever he leaves, he leaves a State of Destruction
51. Bogdan died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell .
52. Not everyone that Bogdan is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.
53. On his birthday, Bogdan randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
54. Most people know that Descarte said, "I think, therefore I am." What most people don't know is that that quote continues, "...afraid of Bogdan."
55. Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Bogdan.
56. Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Bogdan is looking for it.
57. Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Bogdan bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
58. Bogdan has beat the crap out of so many people over his brilliant life that most medical journals now classify him as a laxative.
59. Little known medical fact: Bogdan invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
60. Bogdan doesn't have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.
61. Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Bogdan beats all 3 at the same time.
62. Love does hurts. But not as much as Bogdan.
63. Only Bogdan can prevent forest fires.
64. Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Bogdan fight.
65. Bogdan invented the hammer when he was tired of using his forehead to slam nails into wood.
66. Bogdan is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.
67. Q: How many Bogdan's does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, Bogdan prefers to kill in the dark.
68. People have often asked the United States, What is your secret weapon against terrorists? We simply reply... Bogdan
69. Bogdan irons his clothes while he's wearing them.
70. Police label anyone attacking Bogdan as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
71. Bogdan is allergic to doorknobs. Thats why he can only kick through doors.
72. Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Bogdan asks for a body bag.
73. Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Bogdan likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
74. Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Bogdan with "obstruction of justice." This is because even Bogdan cannot be in two places at the same time.
75. Bogdan sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with his eyes open, and he looks pissed off.
76. Bogdan is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
77. As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Bogdan."
78. Bogdan's family wraps his holiday presents in lead, so he can't see what's in them.
79. The easiest way to determine Bogdan's age is to cut him in half and count the rings. Unfortunately, nothing can cut through Bogdan.
80. The chief export of Bogdan is Pain.
81. The end result of the game "Clue" is always the same: Bogdan was the murderer, it was in the orphanage, and the weapon was a hamster.
82. Bogdan's dog is trained to pick up its own poop because Bogdan will not take crap from anyone.
83. Bogdan was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
84. The First rule of Bogdan is: you do not talk about Bogdan.
85. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Bogdan out. It failed miserably.
86. The crossing lights in Bogdan's home town say "Die slowly" and "die quickly". They each have a picture of Bogdan punching or kicking a pedestrian.
87. The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Bogdan.
88. The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Bogdan didn't kill you in your sleep.
89. The only time Bogdan was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
90. Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Bogdan while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
91. The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Bogdan come off without a hitch.
92. Circles exist because Bogdan beat the crap out of some squares.
93. The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Bogdan played in second grade.
94. The Bible was originally titled "Bogdan and Friends"
95. The only sure things are Death and Taxes… and when Bogdan goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
96. The square root of Bogdan is pain. Do not try to square Bogdan, the result is death.
97. Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Bogdan's first visit to Tokyo.
98. If at first you don't succeed, you must not be Bogdan.
99. The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Bogdan. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
100. The pen is mighter than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Bogdan.

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Please Note: This page is intended purely as humor and plays off of quotes from many anonymous internet sources who originally stated the jokes in reference to celebrities such as Chuck Norris.