Top 100 Facts About Bogdan

1. A picture is worth a thousand words. A Bogdan is worth 1 billion words.
2. After taking a steroids test doctors informed Bogdan that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"
3. Bogdan used to beat the crap out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
4. Bogdan is the only one who can "try this at home."
5. A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Bogdan, 3. Cancer
6. Bogdan is the only person in the world who can actually give 110%.
7. Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Bogdan is on.
8. Bogdan was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
9. Bogdan's blood type is WD-40.
10. Bogdan was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.
11. Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Bogdan"
12. Along with his black belt, Bogdan often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.
13. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Bogdan and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
14. Bogdan always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.
15. For Bogdan, every street is "one way". His way.
16. Every time someone uses the word "intense", Bogdan always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
17. For undercover police work, Bogdan pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.
18. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Bogdan.
19. Before sliced bread was invented, people used to say "Thats the greatest thing since Bogdan".
20. Google won't search for Bogdan because it knows you don't find Bogdan, he finds you.
21. He who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Bogdan … dies.
22. Everybody loves Raymond. Except Bogdan.
23. Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Bogdan's first visit to Tokyo.
24. Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Bogdan while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
25. If Bogdan wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.
26. Bogdan became a vegetarian not because he loves animals, but because he hates plants.
27. Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Bogdan to go around.
28. Bogdan and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing their underwear on the outside of their pants.
29. If you ask Bogdan what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
30. Crop circles are Bogdan's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the hell down.
31. If Bogdan wants some shade, he stares the sun down until it eclipses.
32. In an act of great philanthropy, Bogdan made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research.
33. Bogdan can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
34. Bogdan can kill two stones with one bird.
35. In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Bogdan.
36. If you spell Bogdan in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
37. Bogdan can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.
38. If you work in an office with Bogdan, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.
39. Bogdan can predict the shuffle on his iPod.
40. In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Bogdan was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.
41. In the Words of Julius Caesar, "Veni, Vidi, Vici, Bogdan". Translation: I came, I saw, and I was roundhouse-kicked in the face by Bogdan.
42. In an emergency, Bogdan can be used as a floatation device.
43. Bogdan can tie his shoes with his feet.
44. Bogdan can speak braille.
45. A man once claimed Bogdan kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.
46. Bogdan does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Bogdan goes killing.
47. Most people know that Descarte said, "I think, therefore I am." What most people don't know is that that quote continues, "...afraid of Bogdan."
48. Love does hurts. But not as much as Bogdan.
49. Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Bogdan jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
50. Bogdan does not believe that there are 50 states, only 2, because where ever he goes becomes a State of Emergency and whenever he leaves, he leaves a State of Destruction
51. Bogdan died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell .
52. Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Bogdan.
53. On a high school math test, Bogdan put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Bogdan solves all his problems with Violence.
54. Most people fear the Reaper. Bogdan considers him "a promising Rookie".
55. No matter what your mother always said, Bogdan can tune a fish.
56. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Bogdan can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants.
57. Only Bogdan can prevent forest fires.
58. Bogdan has beat the crap out of so many people over his brilliant life that most medical journals now classify him as a laxative.
59. Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Bogdan is looking for it.
60. Bogdan doesn't have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.
61. Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Bogdan bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
62. Little known medical fact: Bogdan invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
63. Fifty years ago, Bogdan accidentally stubbed his toe. The USA still hasn't fully repaired all of the ensuing damage.
64. Q: How many Bogdan's does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, Bogdan prefers to kill in the dark.
65. Bogdan invented the hammer when he was tired of using his forehead to slam nails into wood.
66. Bogdan is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.
67. President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Bogdan *carried* his the same distance, but in half the time.
68. People created the automobile to escape from Bogdan...Not to be outdone, Bogdan created the automobile accident.
69. Bogdan irons his clothes while he's wearing them.
70. People have often asked the United States, What is your secret weapon against terrorists? We simply reply... Bogdan
71. Bogdan is allergic to doorknobs. Thats why he can only kick through doors.
72. Simply by pulling on both ends, Bogdan can stretch diamonds back into coal.
73. Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Bogdan asks for a body bag.
74. Santa Claus actually *did* exist until he accidentally skipped Bogdan's house one Christmas.
75. Bogdan sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with his eyes open, and he looks pissed off.
76. Bogdan is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
77. As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Bogdan."
78. Bogdan's dog is trained to pick up its own poop because Bogdan will not take crap from anyone.
79. The crossing lights in Bogdan's home town say "Die slowly" and "die quickly". They each have a picture of Bogdan punching or kicking a pedestrian.
80. The Bible was originally titled "Bogdan and Friends"
81. The easiest way to determine Bogdan's age is to cut him in half and count the rings. Unfortunately, nothing can cut through Bogdan.
82. Bogdan's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Bogdan.
83. Bogdan was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
84. The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Bogdan.
85. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Bogdan has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
86. The chief export of Bogdan is Pain.
87. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Bogdan punched himself in the face.
88. Sweating bullets is literally what happens when Bogdan gets too hot.
89. The only sure things are Death and Taxes… and when Bogdan goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
90. Circles exist because Bogdan beat the crap out of some squares.
91. The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Bogdan didn't kill you in your sleep.
92. Bogdan's family wraps his holiday presents in lead, so he can't see what's in them.
93. The only time Bogdan was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
94. The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Bogdan come off without a hitch.
95. The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Bogdan 3. Cancer.
96. The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Bogdan. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
97. Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Bogdan will beat his ass and take it.
98. Hellen Keller's favorite color is Bogdan.
99. The quickest way to a man's heart is with Bogdan's fist.
100. The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Bogdan. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.

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Please Note: This page is intended purely as humor and plays off of quotes from many anonymous internet sources who originally stated the jokes in reference to celebrities such as Chuck Norris.