Top 100 Facts About Boca

1. A picture is worth a thousand words. A Boca is worth 1 billion words.
2. Boca is the only person in the world who can actually give 110%.
3. Along with his black belt, Boca often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.
4. Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Boca"
5. Boca used to beat the crap out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
6. Boca was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
7. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Boca and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
8. Boca's family wraps his holiday presents in lead, so he can't see what's in them.
9. Boca's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Boca.
10. Before sliced bread was invented, people used to say "Thats the greatest thing since Boca".
11. Boca's blood type is WD-40.
12. A man once claimed Boca kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.
13. Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Boca to go around.
14. Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Boca is on.
15. Boca always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.
16. After taking a steroids test doctors informed Boca that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"
17. Boca's dog is trained to pick up its own poop because Boca will not take crap from anyone.
18. Boca and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing their underwear on the outside of their pants.
19. Boca can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
20. Boca became a vegetarian not because he loves animals, but because he hates plants.
21. Boca can predict the shuffle on his iPod.
22. Every time someone uses the word "intense", Boca always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
23. Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Boca's first visit to Tokyo.
24. He who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Boca … dies.
25. Boca can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.
26. If Boca wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.
27. If at first you don't succeed, you must not be Boca.
28. As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Boca."
29. Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Boca will beat his ass and take it.
30. If you spell Boca in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
31. If you work in an office with Boca, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.
32. Hellen Keller's favorite color is Boca.
33. Boca can kill two stones with one bird.
34. If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Boca would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
35. Boca died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell .
36. Boca does not believe that there are 50 states, only 2, because where ever he goes becomes a State of Emergency and whenever he leaves, he leaves a State of Destruction
37. In an act of great philanthropy, Boca made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research.
38. In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Boca turned that wine into beer.
39. A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Boca, 3. Cancer
40. It takes 14 puppeteers to make Boca smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
41. Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Boca needs toothpicks.
42. Boca doesn't have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.
43. In the Words of Julius Caesar, "Veni, Vidi, Vici, Boca". Translation: I came, I saw, and I was roundhouse-kicked in the face by Boca.
44. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Boca.
45. Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Boca is looking for it.
46. Boca counted to infinity - twice.
47. Boca invented the hammer when he was tired of using his forehead to slam nails into wood.
48. Boca can tie his shoes with his feet.
49. It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Boca a giant meteor.
50. Boca irons his clothes while he's wearing them.
51. Boca is allergic to doorknobs. Thats why he can only kick through doors.
52. Boca is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.
53. Boca sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with his eyes open, and he looks pissed off.
54. Love does hurts. But not as much as Boca.
55. No matter what your mother always said, Boca can tune a fish.
56. On a high school math test, Boca put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Boca solves all his problems with Violence.
57. Boca is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
58. Only Boca can prevent forest fires.
59. Once a cobra bit Boca's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
60. Boca does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Boca goes killing.
61. Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Boca roundhouse kick.
62. People created the automobile to escape from Boca...Not to be outdone, Boca created the automobile accident.
63. People have often asked the United States, What is your secret weapon against terrorists? We simply reply... Boca
64. On his birthday, Boca randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
65. Boca is the only one who can "try this at home."
66. Police label anyone attacking Boca as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
67. Circles exist because Boca beat the crap out of some squares.
68. Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Boca while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
69. Q: How many Boca's does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, Boca prefers to kill in the dark.
70. Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Boca with "obstruction of justice." This is because even Boca cannot be in two places at the same time.
71. Boca can speak braille.
72. Staring at Boca for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face.
73. Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Boca likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
74. Everybody loves Raymond. Except Boca.
75. Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Boca asks for a body bag.
76. Boca has beat the crap out of so many people over his brilliant life that most medical journals now classify him as a laxative.
77. The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Boca didn't kill you in your sleep.
78. Boca was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
79. For undercover police work, Boca pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.
80. Boca was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.
81. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Boca pajamas.
82. Google won't search for Boca because it knows you don't find Boca, he finds you.
83. If Boca wants some shade, he stares the sun down until it eclipses.
84. Guns don't kill people. Boca kills People.
85. In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Boca.
86. The Bible was originally titled "Boca and Friends"
87. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Boca punched himself in the face.
88. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Boca has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
89. If you ask Boca what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
90. The only sure things are Death and Taxes… and when Boca goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
91. The last man who made eye contact with Boca was Ray Charles.
92. Crop circles are Boca's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
93. The end result of the game "Clue" is always the same: Boca was the murderer, it was in the orphanage, and the weapon was a hamster.
94. The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Boca. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
95. The pen is mighter than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Boca.
96. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Boca out. It failed miserably.
97. If you Google search "Boca getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
98. The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Boca in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
99. James Cameron wanted Boca to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
100. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Boca can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants.

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Please Note: This page is intended purely as humor and plays off of quotes from many anonymous internet sources who originally stated the jokes in reference to celebrities such as Chuck Norris.