Top 100 Facts About Boca

1. A picture is worth a thousand words. A picture of Boca is worth 1 billion words.
2. Boca is the only person in the world who can actually give 110%.
3. Along with his black belt, Boca often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.
4. Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Boca"
5. Boca used to beat the crap out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
6. Boca was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
7. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Boca and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
8. Circles exist because Boca beat the crap out of some squares.
9. Boca's dog is trained to pick up its own poop because Boca will not take crap from anyone.
10. Before sliced bread was invented, people used to say "Thats the greatest thing since Boca".
11. Boca's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Boca.
12. A man once claimed Boca kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.
13. Crop circles are Boca's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
14. Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Boca is on.
15. Boca always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.
16. After taking a steroids test doctors informed Boca that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"
17. Boca's family wraps his holiday presents in lead, so he can't see what's in them.
18. Boca and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing their underwear on the outside of their pants.
19. Boca can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
20. Boca became a vegetarian not because he loves animals, but because he hates plants.
21. Boca can predict the shuffle on his iPod.
22. Everybody loves Raymond. Except Boca.
23. Google won't search for Boca because it knows you don't find Boca, he finds you.
24. Hellen Keller's favorite color is Boca.
25. Boca can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.
26. If you ask Boca what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
27. If Boca wants some shade, he stares the sun down until it eclipses.
28. As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Boca."
29. Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Boca's first visit to Tokyo.
30. If you work in an office with Boca, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.
31. If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Boca would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
32. If at first you don't succeed, you must not be Boca.
33. Boca can kill two stones with one bird.
34. In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Boca.
35. Boca died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell .
36. Boca does not believe that there are 50 states, only 2, because where ever he goes becomes a State of Emergency and whenever he leaves, he leaves a State of Destruction
37. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Boca could use to kill you, including the room itself.
38. In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Boca was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.
39. A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Boca, 3. Cancer
40. James Cameron wanted Boca to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
41. It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Boca a giant meteor.
42. Boca doesn't have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.
43. Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Boca needs toothpicks.
44. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Boca.
45. Little known medical fact: Boca invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
46. Boca counted to infinity - twice.
47. Boca invented the hammer when he was tired of using his forehead to slam nails into wood.
48. Boca can tie his shoes with his feet.
49. It takes 14 puppeteers to make Boca smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
50. Boca irons his clothes while he's wearing them.
51. Boca is allergic to doorknobs. Thats why he can only kick through doors.
52. Boca is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.
53. Boca sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with his eyes open, and he looks pissed off.
54. Most people fear the Reaper. Boca considers him "a promising Rookie".
55. Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Boca.
56. On his birthday, Boca randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
57. Boca is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
58. Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Boca bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
59. Fifty years ago, Boca accidentally stubbed his toe. The USA still hasn't fully repaired all of the ensuing damage.
60. Boca does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Boca goes killing.
61. No matter what your mother always said, Boca can tune a fish.
62. People have often asked the United States, What is your secret weapon against terrorists? We simply reply... Boca
63. Police label anyone attacking Boca as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
64. Once a cobra bit Boca's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
65. Boca is the only one who can "try this at home."
66. President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Boca *carried* his the same distance, but in half the time.
67. Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Boca while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
68. Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Boca to go around.
69. Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Boca fight.
70. Simply by pulling on both ends, Boca can stretch diamonds back into coal.
71. Boca can speak braille.
72. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Boca glare will liquefy your kidneys.
73. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Boca pajamas.
74. For Boca, every street is "one way". His way.
75. Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Boca likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
76. Boca has beat the crap out of so many people over his brilliant life that most medical journals now classify him as a laxative.
77. The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Boca come off without a hitch.
78. Boca's blood type is WD-40.
79. Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Boca will beat his ass and take it.
80. Boca was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
81. Staring at Boca for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face.
82. Guns don't kill people. Boca kills people.
83. If Boca wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.
84. He who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Boca … dies.
85. In an act of great philanthropy, Boca made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research.
86. The chief export of Boca is Pain.
87. The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Boca.
88. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Boca out. It failed miserably.
89. If you Google search "Boca getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
90. The only time Boca was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
91. The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Boca 3. Cancer.
92. Every time someone uses the word "intense", Boca always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
93. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Boca punched himself in the face.
94. The pen is mighter than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Boca.
95. The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Boca in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
96. The last man who made eye contact with Boca was Ray Charles.
97. If you spell Boca in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
98. The quickest way to a man's heart is with Boca's fist.
99. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Boca can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants.
100. Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Boca is looking for it.

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Please Note: This page is intended purely as humor and plays off of quotes from many anonymous internet sources who originally stated the jokes in reference to celebrities such as Chuck Norris.